A National Friendship Database

I think there is a great deal to be said for trying to make friends through shared interests. Actually a website for this even exists, ‘meetup.com’ however my experience using it was it was rather broad and lopsided. The groups seem to be heavily biased towards arty type activities. The second is frankly some of the groups are very broad. The local ‘geek group’ On meetup in my area was very classic geek. Lots of people into main stream scifi and Harry Potter. But Anime, indy/ low budget sci fi films, any kinda Video game that isn’t an FPS or pet simulator, not so much.

these siteS like to define interests pretty broadly but actually I think for autistic people that can be counter productive. On top of that starting a group around an interest is actually really hard practically. You can only talk about your interest so much before you want to do it with people. It’s why so many of these groups centre around arts and crafts, because it’s not to hard to find a place where you can do it together, at least when there isn’t a lockdown on.

the real obstical to this sort of thing is suitable physical space. A place you can set out 5+ video game consoles for people to play on At once or a place with a big screen to watch things together. Or if you’ve a technical bent a place you can pull out a soldering iron with out being accused of wielding a lethal weapon. As soon as you ask someone if you can use a space everything becomes horribly complicated. They need to know who’s in charge where the personal liability insurance is, often they want to vet what you do in case some sensitive soul is deeply offended that someone was playing mortal combat in their church hall And all the blood upset their sensibilities.

then there is the cost. Physical space is costly. Even charity’s tend to charge for it. So why should they give it For free to a group that has maybe 4 people max but is hoping to build interest when they are already over subscribed with established community groups wanting to use the space and often willing to pay for it?

you know what would really help these sorts of groups get of them ground. Limit the legal liability of smaller groups and their venues, and make more indoor community space available in the inner city.

dont get me wrong making friends online sounds fun but I doubt it’ll be that easy with out a common focus, an activity, to draw people together.

I do a lot of Meetups and venues are not a problem if you think laterally - lots of pubs have side-bars or rooms so if you speak to them about when is their dead day - like a Wednesday evening - they'll usually let you use it for nothing as long as you're bringing a few people to buy their beer.     I usually organise pub evenings for that reason - our local has a huge bay window which we book so it's nice & easy to find us.      We're usually a group of 10 to 15.

Some meetings can be tricky - meals out often need a deposit from everyone before you book - that's a nightmare.

We also have a cricket club down the road with immaculate grounds so we organise a picnic when their playing - the grass will have been cut and the bar is open - just remember to clap appropriately every now & then      It makes them feel they have more supporters too.  win-win.

A snug in a bar may be fine if you want to have a small group of existing friends go for a quiet drink but it’s less suitable for bringing a small to medium group of strangers together to join in an activity, unless maybe that activity is a quiet game of cards. 

also in my experience the pub upper rooms tend to be booked out by bands or students organising private socials. Maybe your area is just quieter.

the dynamic of getting new people who don’t know each other together round an activity is quite different from preexisting friends meeting up. I for one find it much easier to make connections when there is a thing People have in common That is the focus of the day.

A snug in a bar may be fine if you want to have a small group of existing friends go for a quiet drink but it’s less suitable for bringing a small to medium group of strangers together to join in an activity, unless maybe that activity is a quiet game of cards. 

also in my experience the pub upper rooms tend to be booked out by bands or students organising private socials. Maybe your area is just quieter.

the dynamic of getting new people who don’t know each other together round an activity is quite different from preexisting friends meeting up. I for one find it much easier to make connections when there is a thing People have in common That is the focus of the day.