A National Friendship Database

I made a new friend a few months ago that I was scared of overwhelming with my enthusiasm. aidie nicknamed him Mr New Special Interest. I thought it was a lighthearted but sweet joke. I can see though how true it is, that I relate to him as a Special Interest. I'm full of enthusiasm to share doing things together and share my thoughts. I've managed myself so contained it to just our weekly run. He's got a wife, two kids, busy job, extended family, so limited time but I'm full of enthusiasm to do stuff together, and with his kids. I think I generally have this pattern and it's not romantic or sexual, nor even needy, it's about sharing delight in things and offering these things to them, but also about sharing the inner machinations of my head. Maybe it's just that I have an insatiable appetite for life, but that comes from somewhere. Odd.

This is both heartbreaking and fascinating at the same time. Heartbreaking in the sense that I can relate to it in some way but cannot quite put my finger on it. It's like, despite all the suffering i perceive is happening to me on an ongoing basis, at times, however infrequent or very small  they are, I have these brief moments from time to time that are totally blissful. Like what a perfect world would look like or feel like. Very brief but a harmony none the less. Some more enlightened beings will be able to shed more light on this subject I'm sure but I often wonder if all these fears and insecurities I've had  are actually valid or have any value to myself or anyone. What is the reason for them ? 

Then I see one example or a glimpse of what I can only describe as the perfect person in my eyes and I want more of that but I know I cannot have it. I am not that person. Is it looking for oneself in others because we didn't have the confidence  or self- confidence in ourselves ? 

i'm sure we can help each other in all this. 

Yes, I experience absolute bliss. Sometimes it's brief, sometimes days or even regular over certain weeks. People seem to have played a role in my background state to enable it. I think for me it's when I'm at true ease with someone. Often I'm just in excitement, or driven mode. But sometimes someone comes along and I'm just me, and that creates bliss.

Yes, I experience absolute bliss. Sometimes it's brief, sometimes days or even regular over certain weeks. People seem to have played a role in my background state to enable it. I think for me it's when I'm at true ease with someone. Often I'm just in excitement, or driven mode. But sometimes someone comes along and I'm just me, and that creates bliss.