Intolerance of Uncertainty and Managing Emotions

So this went into daily updates then I forgot to stop writing, so decided to put it here instead.

Weekends are too short.

I was exhausted after last week. Slept most of Friday evening and Saturday then gamed in my spare time (not the smartest of ways for me to unwind. It quietens my overactive brain but also I don't seem to relax properly).

Sunday (today) was much better. As I'm sort-of managing and in those kinds of management-type meetings (I'm covering again next week) I've dug into my book supply and started reading about leadership and teams. It's basic stuff but will give me a framework to work in. I'm not anticipating a whole load of HR stuff (I've only one member of staff, and besides the person, who I'm covering is still around and they seem quite happy to hold onto that!). 

The difficult thing is the conversations and meetings which I find absolutely exhausting. There were two scheduled ones on Thursday, each an hour, which I found almost wiped me out. So I'm very conscious of when it comes to working with data I'm in a very happy place. Numbers, graphs and all that kind of stuff - it has occurred to me that my equivalent on other teams don't have the same passion for information as I have, so where I'll make stuff digestible for other people - they'll sit there with an excel spreadsheet and talk around it (which comes onto another issue that I feel I can't learn from anyone in my corner of the company when it comes to visualising, cleansing and working with data. So in that sense-  I'm stuck).

When it comes to working with people I find that absolutely draining. So with one other - that's tough. With a meeting full of several people and all the back and forth that's really hard for me to keep track of. I was brought in to the conversation on a couple of occasions so people are conscious that I find it difficult to know when to jump in - but in terms of keeping up with what was happening, what the issues were, who was doing what - that can be a little too much for me to process. It's so much easier when there's a clear ask (or task) or when I've been given the run-down of things up front. 

As a result, every day last week I slept through most of the evening - and I don't know whether that's going to improve if I keep in this role. Another week - we'll see. But - in terms of growth, it'll give me a challenge and a reason to get up in the morning. 

Took my walk today - an hour and half, and soaked to the skin in the last 30 mins. So refreshing and again I'm reminded of the energizing power of nature and wonder why is it so hard sometimes to do the things which I know benefit my wellbeing? Other than this update, and buying a couple of essentials online, I haven't touched the PC today, so have created some headspace where I can just let my mind and emotions process and unwind - but it just seems the internal journey of "re-tuning" back to the everyday from work seems to take a bit longer than I would like.  

Second covid shot tomorrow. I've booked my own appointment this time so I don't pay a fortune in taxi's and get the time from work credited to travel to and from the vaccination centre. Buses are back to a normal timetable so although it's roughly a 45 min trip to get there with a change (10-15 in a taxi, because they take a sensible route!)  it shouldn't be too awkward for the trip. Although I could easily walk it in the same time it would take public transport (from the last taxi ride I took which was on the same route it wouldn't be the most exciting of walks).

Haven't travelled on a bus for ages - since working from home and moving to online deliveries for stuff (clothes are about the only things I actually go into a shop for) I haven't needed to. So the whole-take-a-bus-journey thing took a little bit of planning.

So this went into daily updates then I forgot to stop writing, so decided to put it here instead.

Weekends are too short.

I was exhausted after last week. Slept most of Friday evening and Saturday then gamed in my spare time (not the smartest of ways for me to unwind. It quietens my overactive brain but also I don't seem to relax properly).

Sunday (today) was much better. As I'm sort-of managing and in those kinds of management-type meetings (I'm covering again next week) I've dug into my book supply and started reading about leadership and teams. It's basic stuff but will give me a framework to work in. I'm not anticipating a whole load of HR stuff (I've only one member of staff, and besides the person, who I'm covering is still around and they seem quite happy to hold onto that!). 

The difficult thing is the conversations and meetings which I find absolutely exhausting. There were two scheduled ones on Thursday, each an hour, which I found almost wiped me out. So I'm very conscious of when it comes to working with data I'm in a very happy place. Numbers, graphs and all that kind of stuff - it has occurred to me that my equivalent on other teams don't have the same passion for information as I have, so where I'll make stuff digestible for other people - they'll sit there with an excel spreadsheet and talk around it (which comes onto another issue that I feel I can't learn from anyone in my corner of the company when it comes to visualising, cleansing and working with data. So in that sense-  I'm stuck).

When it comes to working with people I find that absolutely draining. So with one other - that's tough. With a meeting full of several people and all the back and forth that's really hard for me to keep track of. I was brought in to the conversation on a couple of occasions so people are conscious that I find it difficult to know when to jump in - but in terms of keeping up with what was happening, what the issues were, who was doing what - that can be a little too much for me to process. It's so much easier when there's a clear ask (or task) or when I've been given the run-down of things up front. 

As a result, every day last week I slept through most of the evening - and I don't know whether that's going to improve if I keep in this role. Another week - we'll see. But - in terms of growth, it'll give me a challenge and a reason to get up in the morning. 

Took my walk today - an hour and half, and soaked to the skin in the last 30 mins. So refreshing and again I'm reminded of the energizing power of nature and wonder why is it so hard sometimes to do the things which I know benefit my wellbeing? Other than this update, and buying a couple of essentials online, I haven't touched the PC today, so have created some headspace where I can just let my mind and emotions process and unwind - but it just seems the internal journey of "re-tuning" back to the everyday from work seems to take a bit longer than I would like.  

Second covid shot tomorrow. I've booked my own appointment this time so I don't pay a fortune in taxi's and get the time from work credited to travel to and from the vaccination centre. Buses are back to a normal timetable so although it's roughly a 45 min trip to get there with a change (10-15 in a taxi, because they take a sensible route!)  it shouldn't be too awkward for the trip. Although I could easily walk it in the same time it would take public transport (from the last taxi ride I took which was on the same route it wouldn't be the most exciting of walks).

Haven't travelled on a bus for ages - since working from home and moving to online deliveries for stuff (clothes are about the only things I actually go into a shop for) I haven't needed to. So the whole-take-a-bus-journey thing took a little bit of planning.