Published on 12, July, 2020
HI all,
I've come across the concept of Intolerance of Uncertainty - something my psychologist mentioned and after a recent blip I've started investigating it. Most of the material I've come across is academic papers (taking a wee bit of time to absorb) but I was wondering if anyone else had come across the idea and what they made of it?
On a semi-related topic the Coursera platform is running a course by the Yale Centre of Emotional Intelligence: Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress. It's free (although you can pay £36 for a certificate if you want one). Link > https://www.coursera.org/learn/managing-emotions-uncertainty-stress
It's intended for school staff (and neurotypicals) but looking at the syllabus I'm fairly sure there's ideas that might give me another perspective and increase emotional awareness. I'm going to explore it - but I thought I'd share in case anyone else is interested.
The course leader Marc Brackett has a website @ https://www.marcbrackett.com/ (apologies for the big book ad slap bang in the middle of the homepage - I'm not on commission, It's the video I'm pointing to)
Week 3:
I finally got round to it after procrastinating all weekend. Not sure why it took me so long, think I just wanted to unplug from screen-time for a while. Lots of other things I didn't get done this weekend and I paradoxically got sucked into hours of gaming after a "I'll just have a quick blast on X" thought" so ended up blowing my screen-time quote anyway. Think I just wanted to switch off, but there's way better ways of doing that than shooting pixels, or watching numbers get bigger for a virtual reward.
This week was all about self-management and strategies. Two things impressed upon me. The first was how growing up these strategies weren't in my household. The things I did, I did because I had no guidance on what else to do. One section read:
"Managing our emotions is not about suppressing them, controlling them, or conforming to someone else’s idea about what we should do or feel. It’s not just about calming down"
In my household it absolutely was these things. Now I understand what my psychologist meant when she said I'd had a "double-whammy". If I was having an unpleasant emotion, then I wasn't in distress, I was putting it on - because it was inconvenient (a word I heard a lot growing up).
The information on the physiological response was a huge help to - a reminder as to how important it is for self-care and the detrimental effects to too much stress. It slotted in well with Gabor Mate's work - although he linked it into the pathology of disease. His thesis is that when someone is subjected to a stressor which they do not address the body manifests dis-ease. I'm not sure about this as it can give too much crecedene to "it's all in the mind" - that people can "think themselves sick". Reading Mate again, I'm sure this isn't his intent, but it could be read that way.
The second thing that impressed upon me was how much of this weeks material is familiar - sleep, exercise, reframing, breathing, eating well, doing things I enjoy. I realise I do need to build my emotional capacity and manage things better in the moment, rather than getting worked then "getting through" the day to renew at the end of it. Oddly working from home gives me plenty of opportunity to practice these strategies in a safe-environment and I'm still poor at doing them. I've noticed that I seem operate on one overarching thing at a time - so when I was off sick "getting better" was the focus, so I did all the right things. Now I'm at work "working hard" is the thing so everything is subservient to that. Which is absolutely ridiculous.
Think I've got some work to do. Somehow my mindset has slipped. It is all about conscious mindful living and implementing the strategies I already know - and know that work. I've not been motivated at all this weekend, probably because I pushed myself too hard (unnecessarily) during the week. I still think that being really productive is evidence of how well I am taking care of things (not myself I've noticed) - so the first smart thing I can do is stay within my contracted hours and start taking care of myself again.
As I said to myself after my last episode when it boils down to it - it's my health that counts. I think that because of my history I'm always struggling with the tension between the short-term frustration with normal everyday things and the fear of it all boiling over into a long term mindset and my having a meltdown. What I have lacked all through my history is that inability to recognise and manage how I feel - and the space to allow me to explore that. Now I have all those things - so it is just a case of putting that knowledge to work along with the strategies to work with my autism. Every once in a while - it can feel a little overwhelming.
Something else I'm not very good at. Being kind to myself and giving myself time to grow.
You're having the same problem that I used to suffer from - 'it' needs doing, I can do it, no-one else will bother - I may as well just do it now because it will delay me tomorrow.
In a work environment, that just means I will automatically burn out unless someone actually stops me doing any more - by intervening directly - sends me home or takes 'it' away from me.
In a home environment, I please myself - I set my own priorities and do what I need to to satisfy my own sense on achievement.