Published on 12, July, 2020
I didn’t really care when I got my diagnosis. It was what it was, and I lived with it. I did a huge autism workbook with a family friend. It didn’t really matter. But recently I’ve become aware of how ashamed I am. I always feel like the child nobody ever wanted to have. The sob story on Britain’s got talent. The problem child.
And I don’t know how to accept it when it’s all in media. I don’t know how to accept it while people still say I’m sorry to my mum if she says something.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I get that. I feel awkward when I see other autistic people being open about their vulnerabilities, because it feels like they're telling people MY vulnerabilities. My dad is quick to tell people I have autism, which really bothers me.
I don't like to use language that's commonly identified with autism, or trauma, or the buzz words of the year for people with issues. I'd never say that something triggers me, or that I feel overwhelmed or burned out. I wouldn't tell anyone in real life that I see a therapist, bar very close confidants.
Honestly, I'm not very comfortable with people knowing personal things about me at all. I don't even like making food while people are around, because I don't want them to know what I'm making.