Published on 12, July, 2020
I didn’t really care when I got my diagnosis. It was what it was, and I lived with it. I did a huge autism workbook with a family friend. It didn’t really matter. But recently I’ve become aware of how ashamed I am. I always feel like the child nobody ever wanted to have. The sob story on Britain’s got talent. The problem child.
And I don’t know how to accept it when it’s all in media. I don’t know how to accept it while people still say I’m sorry to my mum if she says something.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I got diagnosed because of the increasing number of problems my Asperger's was causing - I'd reached the limits of my masking. Since then, the more I understand about myself, the more ashamed and disgusted I am with my Aspergers. I can now see and feel when people have been / are using and manipulating and bullying me. I've been treated shockingly over the years by people I had to trust - mainly in the workplace.
It's that sudden realisation that I'm a joke that hits really hard. I absolutely understand why there are so many Asperger's suicides.
This is why good friends are important.
You can not choose family or workmates but you can choose friends.
What you need to workout is why these people did what they did. Normally they will have used you because you have the abilities that they don't, this was probable why they bullied you - jealously.
I can see those sort of things in my life and where I went wrong. But that's then not now because they are also why I am where I am now and now is important. Your past made you the Geek you are today.
The way I look at it is like this:-
My bullies are a waste of space, they play sport but I am an Engineer. NOBODY today can do anything without engineering. It was Engineers who sent man to the moon, help surgeons do tricky heart & brain operations, give us the ability to converse through the ether and is the backbone of modern life. The bullies could not do what they do if it was not for people like us.
Yes it is Asperger's that lets us do this. We do not get tied down with peerism or social conformity.
Be proud of who you are and what you do.
I was diagnosed last year and I'm 61. I also am Dyslexic and left-handed. . Plus born and bred in Yorkshire so there is no real hope for me.
Wolseley1800 said:Normally they will have used you because you have the abilities that they don't, this was probable why they bullied you - jealously.
Absolutely - I'm a chartered engineer - without blowing my own trumpet, I have done things and am capable of things that most people can't imagine - but my enthusiasm, drive and attention to detail can be seen as quite naive and 'users' seem to see me a mile away.
My abilities got me to the top but left me wide open to abuse - and I was mercilessly abused for many years.
BTW - I'm a 'lefty' too.
Don't be embarrassed about blowing your own trumpet. How can people know you can play it if you do not blow it. Head back, chest out a walk with pride.
LEFTY's RULE.
www.thefamouspeople.com/left-handed.php