Failure

I'm hopelessly lost. I'm a horrible human being and as  my step mum never gets tired of telling me I'm a failure.

I failed my dad.

I failed myself.

And what hurts the most is I failed my birth mum god rest her soul.

I really thought I could do well for myself but it was just a hopeless quest which I never stood a chance of doing. My grades have hit rock bottom. My dad no longer cares about me and my step mum hates my guts and constantly tells me I'm worthless.

I'm just done. I tried, I really tried to be a good girl and to wear a mask to be just like everyone else. I tried and I failed and now I just feel like it's over for me. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm unloved and being here like this is making me depressed and sad.

I'm so tired I need to sleep but when I sleep I'm plagued by nightmares and ghosts from my childhood night and day.

I hate who I am. I just want to go away and be with my proper mum again. She loved me and never once called me a failure.

Parents
  • Hello ,

    It almost broke my heart when I read this. It has taken a lot of courage to tell others of your problems.

    Firstly, YOU are NOT a FAILURE. Surviving the death of a parent a young age is difficult enough. To then have to put up with a (For lack of a better word) cretin of a wicked stepmother is outstanding.

    From what you have said about her, it would appear that she is also making your Dad's life a misery. She could very well be using the same techniques as with you. Making him feel as though he is not good enough and that he is a failure in order to control him. I'm not making excuses for him here, but it appears that he may be wallowing in his own self-pity brought about by this woman. Then again, he may well still be in mourning, as you are. Which is understandable.

    However, you still have time to turn things around so that you will be able to finally escape and make a great future for yourself. When you eventually become a great success, your stepmother will realise, too late, that she has shot herself in the foot in giving you, what is essentially unwarranted verbal and emotional abuse. If you can make a success of your future, getting good grades, going to university, and getting a good job, I'm sure that your Mum will look down on you very proudly.

    When I was in school, I had to put up with a lot of cretinous oiks that tried to break my spirit. Sometimes they very nearly succeeded. However, I managed to ignore them by reminding myself that bad karma has a way of coming back to haunt the perpetrators. 

    Don't worry sweetheart, you'll be alright.

    God Bless.

Reply
  • Hello ,

    It almost broke my heart when I read this. It has taken a lot of courage to tell others of your problems.

    Firstly, YOU are NOT a FAILURE. Surviving the death of a parent a young age is difficult enough. To then have to put up with a (For lack of a better word) cretin of a wicked stepmother is outstanding.

    From what you have said about her, it would appear that she is also making your Dad's life a misery. She could very well be using the same techniques as with you. Making him feel as though he is not good enough and that he is a failure in order to control him. I'm not making excuses for him here, but it appears that he may be wallowing in his own self-pity brought about by this woman. Then again, he may well still be in mourning, as you are. Which is understandable.

    However, you still have time to turn things around so that you will be able to finally escape and make a great future for yourself. When you eventually become a great success, your stepmother will realise, too late, that she has shot herself in the foot in giving you, what is essentially unwarranted verbal and emotional abuse. If you can make a success of your future, getting good grades, going to university, and getting a good job, I'm sure that your Mum will look down on you very proudly.

    When I was in school, I had to put up with a lot of cretinous oiks that tried to break my spirit. Sometimes they very nearly succeeded. However, I managed to ignore them by reminding myself that bad karma has a way of coming back to haunt the perpetrators. 

    Don't worry sweetheart, you'll be alright.

    God Bless.

Children
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