NT spouse of ?Asperger's.

Hi,

I share your feelings of dearly loving your husband for many years.  I have not connected with this website in some time.  Thank you for writing.

Over the past two years, of course, life has changed.  My daughter who has divorced her abusive husband and moved on, is now going back to school to get a degree in psychology.  She is successful business woman.  It touches me so that she wants to understand more deeply people problems.  I'm hoping that somewhere in that study, it wlll become apparent to her that my husband means her no harm.  She is an emotional person.  He is an Aspie, doesn't understand or empathize with emotions.  I hope for greater understanding.  He does not care for my daughter; he tolerates her.  Consequently, she does the same towards him. 

That aside, to answer some of your questions.  Regarding ADD, my grandson had it.  He underwent 10 neuro-feedback treatments and is no longer in the range.  You may want to seek that out.  My grandson can now get a good night's sleep and can focus.  His being easily angered and somewhat impulsive are personal challenges that he will need to manage with learned skills and tools.

Regarding what you are going through physically with your health issue, needing support.  I would look elsewhere for support.  I had both my knees replaced in 2012.  My daughter was of no support because of her horrific marriage and divorce.  What transpired was I relied on my hubby to do the many tasks in the home which I could not.  I was immobile after surgery, but prior to and through a long recovery, I endured chronic pain and diminished abilities in general.  He did not fuss.  He helped with everything in the home.  But, the emotional support was null.  I relied upon my physical therapist, my personal therapist, a visiting nurse, and personal techniques of affirmations, journaling writing and coloring.  I got through the worst part.

It is still an ongoing process to co-exist with my husband as I imagine it always will be.  For instance, I am now vacationing with him in Hawaii.  He bought a home here when he retired and spends half the year in it, his preference. ( We have an agreement not to be apart more than 3 weeks at onetime.)  I am still working.  It is nice to have some separation, but I harbor resentment that he does pretty much as he pleases (reads most of the time) while I need to work 4 more years.  In our vacation home, we have no living room furniture.  I have mentioned adamantly that I need a recliner for maximum comfort for my new knees.  He has been stubborn and has had a hard time embracing my request.  He now acknowledges the need for one.  It has been an effort to get him this far.

I hope some of this advice may be helpful.

Best wishes to you,

Artsy

Hi,

I share your feelings of dearly loving your husband for many years.  I have not connected with this website in some time.  Thank you for writing.

Over the past two years, of course, life has changed.  My daughter who has divorced her abusive husband and moved on, is now going back to school to get a degree in psychology.  She is successful business woman.  It touches me so that she wants to understand more deeply people problems.  I'm hoping that somewhere in that study, it wlll become apparent to her that my husband means her no harm.  She is an emotional person.  He is an Aspie, doesn't understand or empathize with emotions.  I hope for greater understanding.  He does not care for my daughter; he tolerates her.  Consequently, she does the same towards him. 

That aside, to answer some of your questions.  Regarding ADD, my grandson had it.  He underwent 10 neuro-feedback treatments and is no longer in the range.  You may want to seek that out.  My grandson can now get a good night's sleep and can focus.  His being easily angered and somewhat impulsive are personal challenges that he will need to manage with learned skills and tools.

Regarding what you are going through physically with your health issue, needing support.  I would look elsewhere for support.  I had both my knees replaced in 2012.  My daughter was of no support because of her horrific marriage and divorce.  What transpired was I relied on my hubby to do the many tasks in the home which I could not.  I was immobile after surgery, but prior to and through a long recovery, I endured chronic pain and diminished abilities in general.  He did not fuss.  He helped with everything in the home.  But, the emotional support was null.  I relied upon my physical therapist, my personal therapist, a visiting nurse, and personal techniques of affirmations, journaling writing and coloring.  I got through the worst part.

It is still an ongoing process to co-exist with my husband as I imagine it always will be.  For instance, I am now vacationing with him in Hawaii.  He bought a home here when he retired and spends half the year in it, his preference. ( We have an agreement not to be apart more than 3 weeks at onetime.)  I am still working.  It is nice to have some separation, but I harbor resentment that he does pretty much as he pleases (reads most of the time) while I need to work 4 more years.  In our vacation home, we have no living room furniture.  I have mentioned adamantly that I need a recliner for maximum comfort for my new knees.  He has been stubborn and has had a hard time embracing my request.  He now acknowledges the need for one.  It has been an effort to get him this far.

I hope some of this advice may be helpful.

Best wishes to you,

Artsy