Anxiety help for a 7 year old

Hey, 

youve not upset or offended me :) 

I just wasn’t sure what your first reply fully meant. 

But Thankyou for your message :) 

I guess the 3 to 5 hours of no sleep is not great, but it looks like you're doing the best you can to keep your daughter safe and happy. But, I do hope you're all well and safe from the storm, that's in the news today. Sorry about everything. It's just that I experienced everything your daughter did as a child, I'm more non-verbal. But that she's only 8 years that it'll all be too much for her to take in everything all in one. 

Sometimes, it'll be forever to get to sleep, she'll open up one day, as in she'll talk about it. I never have success with the clock because I've to keep on deciphering, like when I just see a Ford car wanting to hit me before going to bed then the next day a teen dies from a car accident same incident in my mind and I read, which is a coincidence, but when I read the news at the age of 8, it gave me a relief because whatever were stuck in my mind, I got to share that out. 

I guess with hair pulling and scratching, only a therapist/psychologist could help about that. I wasn't criticising about your daughter, it's just that I was your daughter that age, but after several concussions since I was 5 or 6 years old, it's different for me. I didn't mean to make you upset about it. 

But I know, this place isn't for me. 

M

Hey,

I actually forgot about a sensory item! Thankyou. She used to have a leopard teddy that went on her wrist and she would fiddle with that, but the amount of times she would lose it or leave it somewhere But I will get her another one those as that could help. 

Lack of sleep definitely does have an impact on anxiety and then anxiety causes lack of sleep, it’s a vicious circle. 

Im not sure if it’s a case that she can’t sleep or won’t sleep... I’d say a mixture between the 2.. she will tell me she can’t sleep and sleep is a waste of time and be up for hours and up constantly throughout the night  but there has been (rare) occasions where she’s so tired she’s slept all night - so she can do it. 

We have a worry book, worry monster, worry dolls, but she is such a secret squirrel she keeps it bottled up. 

I hope you get a diagnosis and sleep soon!

thankyou for your reply 

Hi

I would say that plastic and front have made some great suggestions, 

Have you thought about the use of a sensory item to replace the hair pulling and scratching? That way she can still regulate her emotions without hurting herself,

The lack of sleep is probably making the anxiety worse as well,

My daughter is 8 and still awaiting assessment, she also has massive sleep problems she sleeps 3-5 hours a night and not all at once and most of the time now will only sleep with me, this has been going on since she was 3! You may have success with the clock that has been suggested but is it that she can't sleep? Or that she won't sleep? As they are two separate problems, 

My daughter also has to be met at the classroom door and hates being left, her teachers have to hold her to stop her from running off but within 10 minutes she settles and sticks to her rigid idea of how she must act In school so her teachers see a perfectly behaved child and she bottles it up and blows up after school this then leads to more anxiety.

Play therapy may help, we have started using a worry book and an emotions book this gives her a place to show what is worrying her so we can work out why and the other book allows her to record things that are making her feel bad or good 

Have you tried deciphering for her? Like if she thinks there is or worried about someone wanting to attack her or come into the room, maybe you could check for news updates about burglars? That’s what I used to go through when I was younger and still do. Then, perhaps you could try to make her room safer, burglary free. Just a suggestion. In the terms of weather maybe there could be a hurricane or a storm elsewhere. There are some movies that could help maybe. Obviously child friendly ones. Like, Annie. Or something that she could relate to. It’s not just about girls being in control and manipulating. If you’re saying that everything would be negative about girls with autism, then your 3 hours of no sleep would end up being 5 hours instead. Some kids both girls and boys with autism like being on their own like if they decide not to play outside it doesn’t mean they don’t want to socialise. It took me a few years to figure that out about myself. I never knew I had autism until I was 32 years old. While growing up, I was told that all the time. And if she thinks she is a dolphin or a whale just search on the news that they’re ok. There are moments when she will feel her worse but it always is when they are kids. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Just that we cannot keep saying that they are behaving negatively all the time then they will use that as an example growing up. Some boys with autism can also be controlling and manipulating too but if she’s going to grow up in a world where we tell them they are everything that’s negative then she will keep that in mind that she’s not a good person or something else like being “too over sensitive”. If she has adhd, she could something else that helps her from that like if Lego works, then she’d probably want to play with Lego everyday or if she like browsing through books like Matilda for example. I think that’s all. 

Sorry if it’s not the best suggestions/opinions. 

Maria

Thankyou so much for your reply! 

That all makes sense! I have tried something similar at bedtime before but she ended up having huge meltdowns, even attempting to jump out her bedroom window (it is locked and she has no idea where the key is)

but I will try again and start with small, subtle changes and hope they work. Thankyou

Do you think the same applies with her worrying about the weather? that she might not necessarily be scared of it but its her way of controlling it?

Also.... Lego therapy is cool - I'm 53 and have tons of Lego.

Another thing you can do is give her a clock with hands and put a green sticker that indicates when she's allowed to get up - so she waits until the little hand is in the green and she can come & get into bed with you and you will read her comics to her - then the responsiblity for the rule is not you - it's the clock.

Again - it's all about consistency on your part so you've got to be pleased to see her in the morning, praise her for staying in bed all night and spend time reading to her - it means that bed in not the punishment, it's the lead-up to a nice thing.

Hi.

It sounds like she has a lot of control points where she is asserting her (typical) overblown needs for control to overcome her anxiety about stress & chaos.  Young girls can be particularly skillfull in the art of control & manipulation.

Autistic kids need stability and predictability because 'life' is chaotic and the constant change causes them stress.

It does appear though as if your daughter is totally controlling you and manipulating your life - but even that is not really giving her what she wants - so she's likely to add more random control points and rituals until she makes herself look like an OCD case - and your life a misery.

You need to take control and carefully reduce all these pinch points - try the bedtime one first.

This will be easiest on the weekend - take her to places she likes early in the morning and later in the afternoon - wear her out - get her to play games with you until she's absolutely knackered.

Tell her when bedtime is going to be so she has time to wind down - and then a quick cookie & small drink and then off to bed.  Have a CD player in the bedroom playing gentle music very quietly (so there's always some sounds going on and you don't accidentally make a tiny noise that wakes her up) and give her lots of comics & cudldly toys in bed with her so there's always something to entertain her if she wakes up.

Tell her that mummy is really tired too and you need your bed.

If you present it all as logic and reasonable, she will probably accept it - and then see how far you can push it over the following weeks.

Your success will hinge on your ability to be firm & constant and to maybe accept a few tantrums & tears as she tries to re-assert her authority.

Be very careful about remaining calm, cheerful, unemotional and give her the understanding that this is just the way everyone else does it.

If you get a pattern of success, reward her (something small or she's get demanding) but try not to get frustrated and don't punish her if there are lapses.

Another way to break the cycle is to change the location - like going to stay with relatives where the subtle change in social rules means she's a bit off-balance so has no built in rules to follow - then assert the new Junta while there - she'll be less able to take control with a different set of people. 

It's a battle of wills - and you must win for your own sanity.