Anxiety help for a 7 year old

Hi all,

my daughter is currently on the last part of her ASD diagnosis...

But her anxiety is taking over her life, I am hoping someone might be able to point me in the right direction for help.

most recently she was so worried about going to school her whole body came out in a rash and she was scratching at her skin like mad, I took her to the drs who said this was caused from her anxiety, but given her age there is nothing they can do to help, but if I do find something she would be more than happy to help me.

She pulls her hair out on a regular basis, more so when shes worried about something

She hardly sleeps, and I have to stay with her until she falls asleep (this can be up to 3 hours!) and then I have to sleep with her, she is worried someone will come into her room at night, we have tried everything possible to help this and reassure her but nothing seems to work.

She has got fantastic at support at school with incredible teachers. 

Its always a struggle to get her into school, and sometimes I physically cannot get her in.

Her teacher has to meet her at the classroom door otherwise she will not go in.

she doesn't go out at school, she is worried about the weather. her teachers do encourage her to go out but she normally will sit in, in the office on her own!

She has lego therapy at school once a week, which does help.

She was having ELSA, but because she wasn't talking, they wasn't wiling to continue.

Can anyone please help me with anything that could help? could play therapy help?

Thanks for reading Slight smile

Parents
  • Hi.

    It sounds like she has a lot of control points where she is asserting her (typical) overblown needs for control to overcome her anxiety about stress & chaos.  Young girls can be particularly skillfull in the art of control & manipulation.

    Autistic kids need stability and predictability because 'life' is chaotic and the constant change causes them stress.

    It does appear though as if your daughter is totally controlling you and manipulating your life - but even that is not really giving her what she wants - so she's likely to add more random control points and rituals until she makes herself look like an OCD case - and your life a misery.

    You need to take control and carefully reduce all these pinch points - try the bedtime one first.

    This will be easiest on the weekend - take her to places she likes early in the morning and later in the afternoon - wear her out - get her to play games with you until she's absolutely knackered.

    Tell her when bedtime is going to be so she has time to wind down - and then a quick cookie & small drink and then off to bed.  Have a CD player in the bedroom playing gentle music very quietly (so there's always some sounds going on and you don't accidentally make a tiny noise that wakes her up) and give her lots of comics & cudldly toys in bed with her so there's always something to entertain her if she wakes up.

    Tell her that mummy is really tired too and you need your bed.

    If you present it all as logic and reasonable, she will probably accept it - and then see how far you can push it over the following weeks.

    Your success will hinge on your ability to be firm & constant and to maybe accept a few tantrums & tears as she tries to re-assert her authority.

    Be very careful about remaining calm, cheerful, unemotional and give her the understanding that this is just the way everyone else does it.

    If you get a pattern of success, reward her (something small or she's get demanding) but try not to get frustrated and don't punish her if there are lapses.

    Another way to break the cycle is to change the location - like going to stay with relatives where the subtle change in social rules means she's a bit off-balance so has no built in rules to follow - then assert the new Junta while there - she'll be less able to take control with a different set of people. 

    It's a battle of wills - and you must win for your own sanity.

  • Thankyou so much for your reply! 

    That all makes sense! I have tried something similar at bedtime before but she ended up having huge meltdowns, even attempting to jump out her bedroom window (it is locked and she has no idea where the key is)

    but I will try again and start with small, subtle changes and hope they work. Thankyou Slight smile

    Do you think the same applies with her worrying about the weather? that she might not necessarily be scared of it but its her way of controlling it?

  • Do you think the same applies with her worrying about the weather? that she might not necessarily be scared of it but its her way of controlling it?

    Hiya! Hope you don't mind me chiming in here. :)

    Something useful to keep in mind with specific fears is that sometimes what the child can appear to be afraid of is actually only the precipitating cause of the real issue. So, for example, if I knew that other children in the playground were more likely to congregate in a specific area of the playground during a particular kind of weather and this scared me because of the changing social demands, or if other children were more likely to play a game during sunny or rainy weather and that game frightened me, I might not go out if I see that the weather is going to take a specific turn. Or, as a completely different example, if I had an item of clothing that I needed to wear during a particular type of weather and this gave me a horrible sensory experience, I might demonstrate fear of the weather rather than fear of the item of clothing itself.

    Does that make any sense? Sorry if it doesn't! This might or might not relate to anything that your daughter is going through right now, but when dealing with anxieties and phobias sometimes a little deductive thinking can be required.

    Is she capable of identifying and communicating in any way about the specific issues at school that are causing her anxiety?

  • No worries!

    (Yeah, the outside specialist thing is mentioned in the SEN Code of Practice, which is a very large document, but thankfully someone made a mini guide that you can find here: www.sendgateway.org.uk/resources.the-send-code-of-practice-0-to-25-years-nasen-miniguide.html. You'll find it on page 11 of the PDF link: " Where a child continues to make little or no progress, despite well-founded support that is matched to the child’s area of need, the school should consider involving specialists, including those from outside agencies.")

  • It is! and CAMHS are so over worked and understaffed the waiting time is unbelievably long. Keeping optimistic though... The end is near!

    They haven't involved any outside specialists... I will ask about this next week! Thankyou - I hadn't had thought that was even an option.

    I really appreciate the time you've taken to reply to me! You've helped a lot and given me a lot of bits to look into! 

    Thankyou again Slight smile

Reply
  • It is! and CAMHS are so over worked and understaffed the waiting time is unbelievably long. Keeping optimistic though... The end is near!

    They haven't involved any outside specialists... I will ask about this next week! Thankyou - I hadn't had thought that was even an option.

    I really appreciate the time you've taken to reply to me! You've helped a lot and given me a lot of bits to look into! 

    Thankyou again Slight smile

Children