I hugged someone today

I went out with my autism family (group) today. We went to Pizza Hut for dinner. I was really excited because one of the boys (one of my three best friends there) was going to be there and I haven’t seen him since Christmas. 

I was about to sit down when I noticed one of the girls who had said she didn’t think she would make it. And before I knew it, we had both reached in and we gave each other a really big hug ~ and I loved it!!!!!

She’s a hugger anyway, but never in my life have I automatically given a hug like that! Honestly, I didn’t think I was capable! But it felt really good. It was such a good day. 

Honestly, I never even knew these type of experiences existed. I’ve been out to eat with hundreds of people before now, but what I experience when I’m with these people, is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. 

Or maybe I did as a little kid. Because it was weird. My friend is fussy about food and while we were all having the buffet, he was choosing something off the menu. The waitress asked him twice and he was still deciding. And I noticed, I was like a little girl, helping my friend out. I was telling the waitress to wait, while helping him. But as I was noticing it, it felt surreal. 

It’s like when I’m with them, I’m this little girl, just being herself and it feels so good. 

In terms of social standing, for want of a better expression, they’re nothing like me. I’ve lived such a different life to them and I’m used to earning good money. Whereas they are the opposite. They certainly don’t talk like me, or see the world like me. But none of that matters. Those things don’t even come into it. 

It’s just an incredibly powerful thing that happens when I’m with them. And we’re all going ice skating next month, on my suggestion. It’s almost like being a kid for the first time, but knowing all that I know now. 

I only ever remember one best friend at school. It was in my first year at school. We were such good friends. We were very naughty but I always stuck up for kids. But before the year was out. He was suddenly taken away and sent to a ‘special school’ and I never saw him again and I’ve never forgot him. 

Today felt like I was back with him. I love my friend so much (new one) and I have no idea why. It’s weird. But it’s like for the first time since my little friend was taken away, I’m making new ones. Real ones. All my other friendships are real. I’m not taking anything away from them, but to be around people like me, is so precious and so important to my growth. 

It’s like I’ve blossomed like a little flower, in front of their eyes, in a little over a year. They’ve seen me in so many states, including mega meltdowns and mega hyper states as well. I finally learned what it means to build friendships. Finding that group was one of the best things that ever happened to me and no matter where I might roam, I’ll never forget them. The ‘leader’ said today, we’re family, we’re more than friends. And it’s true. I don’t know how it works, but it does.