I feel so trapped

Hi everyone.

I'm not really sure if this is all going to make sense. But I need to get ot off my chest. I don't know where else to go.

I have felt depressed for a while now, I remember first going to see a doctor back in November 2014. Since then I have been a bit up and down, mostly down. I have tried multiple things to combat this, and seen various doctors and other organizations that say they can help and they don't. I get a sense of false positivity when this happens, and then just end up feeling crushed when I feel the same at the end. I feel alone all the time. I don't really have anyone but my family, and i'm even pushing them away with my behaviour. I'm just so angry all the time, and I end up taking it out on them. I wanted to end my life last year, but wouldn't because I couldn't leave my family potentially feeling like I do. Those thoughts went away for a while, but they're back now. I don't know what to do, because I feel like there isn't the help out there to feel better, but I feep like I can't end it because I couldn't do that to my family. So I just feel stuck here.