Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
I'm not really sure if this is all going to make sense. But I need to get ot off my chest. I don't know where else to go.
I have felt depressed for a while now, I remember first going to see a doctor back in November 2014. Since then I have been a bit up and down, mostly down. I have tried multiple things to combat this, and seen various doctors and other organizations that say they can help and they don't. I get a sense of false positivity when this happens, and then just end up feeling crushed when I feel the same at the end. I feel alone all the time. I don't really have anyone but my family, and i'm even pushing them away with my behaviour. I'm just so angry all the time, and I end up taking it out on them. I wanted to end my life last year, but wouldn't because I couldn't leave my family potentially feeling like I do. Those thoughts went away for a while, but they're back now. I don't know what to do, because I feel like there isn't the help out there to feel better, but I feep like I can't end it because I couldn't do that to my family. So I just feel stuck here.
Hi Dean,
Welcome. I share a lot of your feelings.
Can I ask, have you been diagnosed with ASC? Or do you suspect it's at the root of the problems you seem to be facing?
What do you think it is that's causing your anger? Is it frustration because you feel that no one is listening? Can you say any more about some of the issues you have?
Best wishes,
Tom
Hi Tom, I was diagnosed with Asperger's back in 2016. I think there are a lot of factors contributing to the issues I face. My anger has built up over the years. Things have happened to me to make me angry, from other people, and nothing has happened to those people. Things the government do have angered me, things about society have really angered me. After talking to psychologists about my anger, I think my anger is a build up of loads of little things where I haven't had the chance to release the anger. Then when something happens, no matter how small, it is like my brain is then an archive of everything that has gone wrong, or everyone that has hurt me. And I just want to erupt and hurt someone. I feel so bad about myself for soany reasons. I'm so alone all the time. No matter what I do to try and get help, I just always end up feeling the same way. I'm sick of fighting to try and be happy. I just can't anymore.