Published on 12, July, 2020
A few months a go I put a thread on here which talked about my parents and how they are treating me. I was given lots of advice to try and help cope with it and I took the advice, however despite doing that my parents are still being nasty to me. I have tried several times to explain to them why I feel the way I do and only get told to leave, that it’s a wonder I have any friends etc. My friends know about what’s going on and have said to me that I should try not to take any notice of what my parents say as it’s BS and they know otherwise and that they clearly don’t know their own daughter that well.
My my friends have said to me that I should have nothing to do with my parents as they are putting me down and making me feel I’m nasty when that’s not the case.
I have now suggested to my parents that I think it would be a good idea if I moved out as we clearly aren’t helping each other. They said it was ridiculous, but after being told I’m a C word, they wish they’d never had me, how I’m nasty, they want nothing to with me, and that I’m causin the family to divorce, I think it would be better. I am at my happiest when I’m with my four closest friends and not them so I think it would help but my parents won’t accept and will not accept that it is them causing me to feel like this as when I’m not around them I’m fine. They have booked a holiday to the US fir all of us, however the welfare person at college said that I shouldn’t go as my parents are causing me to become depressed. I have tried to explain that I think it would be a better idea if I didn’t go, but they say they won’t forgive me. The welfare person said that it’s not up to them regardless of whether they’ve booked the holiday and that I should not go as I need to be away from them. They never understand where I come from though and whilst I am not an ungrateful person I do think the welfare person is right here.
My parents have always been too nosy and treated me like I’m seriously disabled which just angers me more as I’m not. They said that I’m not allowed to talk to my friends when I’m upset even if it’s about them but it’s not up to them. I can’t get anything through to my parents and am struggling to live s happy life I’m with them. How do I go about telling them that it would be better if I didn’t come? And that I should move out as I feel I’ve exhausted all the options and really can’t live with them due to how they treat me and the above
Only you can really decide how much you can take, and how many chances to give.
However, if you do decide to leave, you have plenty of reasons. The behaviour shown by your parents is abominable, and it is probably having a great effect on your mental health.
Sometimes people are better friends when they are apart. I hate to see families breaking up. But you do not choose your family, and sometimes your relatives are not good for you. It should be them feeling guilty and not you.
If you do decide to leave, you may decide to offer an olive branch later on. But ensure that things are better before making a decision to let bygones be bygones.
How I would tell them is by making up my mind to move out, to have somewhere to go to, and then say you are moving out because you think it would be better for everyone if you did. You may get more of the same behaviour, which will make you feel as if you are making the right decision. You may get some pleading with you to stay. Either way, once having made your decision stick to it.
If they are truly contrite, you will keep in touch and see them regularly and they will accept your decision to live independently. I think the world of my daughter, but know she is old enough to make her own decisions in life. Yes, I am there for her if she needs help, but I leave it to her to make her own mistakes. I know she would not take kindly at all if I told her she was wrong in her choices.
Thank you for your help. After thinking long and hard about what the right thing to do is I think I will move out as I had a message from my uni (they like to be kept updated about it) saying that there was a spare room that I could move to.
My mental health is being massively affected by how they are treating me and when I am around my friends I am much more myself (ie: happy and me, so to speak). As somebody posted earlier, in my case, my friends are much more my support network and the people who are there for me than my parents are. I've given them lots of chances, but now feel that it isn't doing me any good as any comment about me is either rude or negative. The fact they even said to me they wished they didn't have a daughter with Aspergers is enough to make me move. Having spoken to the welfare people at college they think that I have come to the right conclusion even though it may not be what I would naturally choose to do and hope that now I am moving out (on Monday next week) my life will be easier as I will be with the people who actually care about me. Whilst it's not what I would ever want to happen, unfortunately I do think that it is now the only way forward as they don't listen to me and do many things that are so hurtful that it is impossible to live a nice and independent life with them. I will take your advice and what a few days to make sure things improve before telling them and depending on how things go I will offer them an olive branch later.