The Hidden Danger of Suicide in Autism

Thank you for this post Tom, I wrote a very long post yesterday about the pointlessness of being alive which disappeared, at the bottom of the article are links to others in the site that are also very accurate and informative.

That's strange, Song.  Wonder why that is.

I'm feeling really odd right now.  I have a colleague at work who, when I started and mentioned my autism, said she wasn't surprised because I didn't make eye contact.  All along, over the last year, she's said she 'gets' me.  We've always got on very well at work since then.

I upset her a bit, I think, when I led off the other week about young children being given smartphones too early - because her pre-schooler has got one.  It didn't seem to matter too much, though, and she's been fine - up until a week ago, when she went on annual leave.

I checked her page on Facebook earlier and she had a jokey post saying something about 'Stop moaning, those in your 20s, about life being s**t - as it hasn't even started yet.'  I posted a jokey response to say 'The same for those in their 40s' (as she is) with a smiley emoticon.  She then responded 'And those in their 60s'.  I thought it was all part of a joke, so I then said 'I'm not quite there yet!'

At which point she commented 'Get off your computer and go out and get a life.'

She then both 'unfriended' me and blocked me, too.  I'm gob-smacked.  Was what I said really worthy of such treatment?  Have I missed something?

I'm really going to struggle with seeing her again at work now.  I don't know what to do.

Things like this send me over the edge.  I can't understand why people have behaved in the way they do, and I blame myself.

Look, don't take any notice of me, because I very clearly know **** all about relationships, but my guess is she was offended by your soapbox episode re: smartphones. You thought she was maybe offended. We're **** at reading people, so if you noticed something it might have been a bigger degree of offence?

Perhaps she felt you were criticising her parenting, maybe she even felt guilty. Later, you pop up on FB. She starts to think, "can't I get away from this guy anywhere?" 

Then you effectively belittle her opinion again, by making out she hasn't seen anything of life in her forties. 

I think this might be an unwritten rule (that I've missed myself), but maybe you're not supposed to go to someone else's page and say anything at all that might cause offence. Maybe there is some sort of expectation that someone's FB page is their territory? If so, expressing a strong opinion or disagreeing loudly in someone else's page might be viewed as rather like visiting their house and taking a s*** in the kitchen sink?

She probably also felt that you were being hypocritical - criticising others for spending all their time on the internet when you...

Her comment and blocking actions are effectively saying, "leave me alone and give me some breathing space". 

I would steer clear from her at work, but if you do bump into her, say something like, "look, I'm sorry if I inadvertently caused offence - that was not my intention". 

Then stay away from her online and outside of work. Smile politely if you work closely together, but keep any conversation strictly job-related and professional. 

One friend suggested that she drinks a lot, and might have been drunk - so she might wake up tomorrow and regret what she's done.  I've done similar myself, so I can understand that.  We'll see.

No.  But I'm not especially interested in winning friends or influencing people.  On the other hand, I get along with people.  Most people tell me I'm friendly, affable, easy to get along with.  Which is what I try to be.  I don't deliberately set out to piss people off or make them hate me.  I don't see any point in that.  I've spoken to a few other people at work, in private, and they all say they can't understand her behaviour.  Maybe she'll eventually come to me and explain things.

No.  But I'm not especially interested in winning friends or influencing people.  On the other hand, I get along with people.  Most people tell me I'm friendly, affable, easy to get along with.  Which is what I try to be.  I don't deliberately set out to piss people off or make them hate me.  I don't see any point in that.  I've spoken to a few other people at work, in private, and they all say they can't understand her behaviour.  Maybe she'll eventually come to me and explain things.

One friend suggested that she drinks a lot, and might have been drunk - so she might wake up tomorrow and regret what she's done.  I've done similar myself, so I can understand that.  We'll see.