About the "How are you?" question

I rarely know how to answer.  I know an acceptable response is 'Fine', but I don't know what that means.  In a particularly formal setting, I might say 'very well', thinking it's probably a lie, but enables one to move on to the business of the conversation, and that's closest to its conventional function.  In a particularly informal setting, I might mumble some self-deprecating joke.  In an indeterminate situation like meeting someone new in a pub, it's particularly hard to know how to answer, and what makes me uncomfortable is the feeling of never being able to answer it honestly - in particular, I am alexithymic, and it's hard to know what I'm feeling or allocate the feelings importance.

I have little problem with non-verbal communication, but understanding the protocols around conversation, rather than its content, can be hard.  You could see this opening phase of the conversation ('Hello' is a 19th century invention, which rather replaced wishing someone 'Good day') as having implicit meanings: 'I recognise you as a member, or potential member, of my community, and am prepared to interact on the basis of the interest of you me, both of us, or some common acquaintance'.   'How are you?' then often translates roughly as 'I know a little about you.  Do you have any overriding information that takes priority over the everyday concerns I may be about to express?' Answering 'OK, thanks, but rather busy' then determines the shape of the following conversation, but not usually its subject.  In other contexts 'How are you?' can mean 'I have concern for your wellbeing, possibly because you have been ill - please let me know your situation and whether you would like me to do something' but that's relatively rare.  The tone of 'How are you?' and possibly its response can also indicate the type of conversation intended - serious, gossiping or whimsical.

I don't see 'How are you?' as yet having become as much a pure formality in the way 'How do you do?'.  The first is for people you know, and the second more for people you are meeting for the first time.  There is implicit (non-declarative) information in each.  (BTW I should say that I live near London, as these things vary by region or nationality.)

I rarely know how to answer.  I know an acceptable response is 'Fine', but I don't know what that means.  In a particularly formal setting, I might say 'very well', thinking it's probably a lie, but enables one to move on to the business of the conversation, and that's closest to its conventional function.  In a particularly informal setting, I might mumble some self-deprecating joke.  In an indeterminate situation like meeting someone new in a pub, it's particularly hard to know how to answer, and what makes me uncomfortable is the feeling of never being able to answer it honestly - in particular, I am alexithymic, and it's hard to know what I'm feeling or allocate the feelings importance.

I have little problem with non-verbal communication, but understanding the protocols around conversation, rather than its content, can be hard.  You could see this opening phase of the conversation ('Hello' is a 19th century invention, which rather replaced wishing someone 'Good day') as having implicit meanings: 'I recognise you as a member, or potential member, of my community, and am prepared to interact on the basis of the interest of you me, both of us, or some common acquaintance'.   'How are you?' then often translates roughly as 'I know a little about you.  Do you have any overriding information that takes priority over the everyday concerns I may be about to express?' Answering 'OK, thanks, but rather busy' then determines the shape of the following conversation, but not usually its subject.  In other contexts 'How are you?' can mean 'I have concern for your wellbeing, possibly because you have been ill - please let me know your situation and whether you would like me to do something' but that's relatively rare.  The tone of 'How are you?' and possibly its response can also indicate the type of conversation intended - serious, gossiping or whimsical.

I don't see 'How are you?' as yet having become as much a pure formality in the way 'How do you do?'.  The first is for people you know, and the second more for people you are meeting for the first time.  There is implicit (non-declarative) information in each.  (BTW I should say that I live near London, as these things vary by region or nationality.)