What keeps you fighting?

What a powerful, thought-provoking question.

At this moment, I'm feeling sorry for myself as I've been rejected for another job that I felt perfectly matched for (no interview, no rejection, just silently moved to 'unsuccessful' on their website before the role has even closed). Every time this happens to me it is a punch in the gut, so I've been pondering this question a bit this morning. I'll sulk for an hour or so after something like this, and then I have dust myself off and carry on. If you asked me this morning, my answer would have been "because I have no other choice than to keep going, at least until the next disappointment."

If you ask me at other times, the answer would probably be - good music, good books and articles, being lucky enough to have my own little bit of space in the world, tasty food, spending time not doing very much at all with my girlfriend. These are not things we are conditioned to see as "reasons" so much as the downtime between more worthy ventures, but the typical ideas of worthiness (a good job, a lot of money, friends) can often be hollow to us on the autistic spectrum, and even if not exactly hollow, often unattainable also. I don't know if it's our curse or our gift.

So I'm licking my wounds right now. Listening to some John Lennon solo material, wondering what I'm going to have for lunch and dinner, appreciating the fact that today has been quiet work-wise so far, and typing out my thoughts to those who probably understand me best. Maybe it's not so bad?

What a powerful, thought-provoking question.

At this moment, I'm feeling sorry for myself as I've been rejected for another job that I felt perfectly matched for (no interview, no rejection, just silently moved to 'unsuccessful' on their website before the role has even closed). Every time this happens to me it is a punch in the gut, so I've been pondering this question a bit this morning. I'll sulk for an hour or so after something like this, and then I have dust myself off and carry on. If you asked me this morning, my answer would have been "because I have no other choice than to keep going, at least until the next disappointment."

If you ask me at other times, the answer would probably be - good music, good books and articles, being lucky enough to have my own little bit of space in the world, tasty food, spending time not doing very much at all with my girlfriend. These are not things we are conditioned to see as "reasons" so much as the downtime between more worthy ventures, but the typical ideas of worthiness (a good job, a lot of money, friends) can often be hollow to us on the autistic spectrum, and even if not exactly hollow, often unattainable also. I don't know if it's our curse or our gift.

So I'm licking my wounds right now. Listening to some John Lennon solo material, wondering what I'm going to have for lunch and dinner, appreciating the fact that today has been quiet work-wise so far, and typing out my thoughts to those who probably understand me best. Maybe it's not so bad?