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Friendships with those with ASD (how to be helpful)

Complicatedcabbage

ok so I really like a guy who has ASD 

whats the problem I hear you say?! 

I fear I am the cause of a lot of his stress and anxiety! Just by being me! 

I like him for him. He's really lovely! I just don't want to be the cause of his stress. I want to be helpful! i think he knows I like him. But I don't think that's reciprocated which is sad but it is what it is! 

I just want him to be happy and at ease when we work together! 

Can you give me some ideas of how to be more understanding, helpful and just less of a cause of his anxiety! I figure a better understanding will help more than trying to change me! 

But it any pointers to help me be a better friend at least?

what should/could I do to help him feel easy and happier! 

Thanks 

  • Hi,

    Firstly, you are right about the rocking. It is a form of stimming. Stimming can be any form of repetative behaviour. Sometimes this is done to seek out certain sensory experiences and can also be as a coping machanism in an attempt to feel safer emotionaly and physically and can sometimes be deeply absorbed in it almost if they are in a world of their own. Almost anything can trigger this off. It could be that something maybe worrying him or if hes been talking about something particularly sensitive and feels quite anxious after a while. It could be something somebody has said that has upset him. He will know what it is but may not want tell you. I think your observations could play a vital part in this. If you know what has triggered it try to minimise it next time. It is nothing to worry about its just a coping machanism for anxieties. It may be best to sit there till hes worked through it or maybe even walk away from it. Every person with Autism is different so how its dealt with will be different too. It is said that the best person to talk to about a person with Autism are the parents because they know them best. I can tell you about Autism to give you a better understanding but how you dealt with it will depend on how well you know him. I hope this helps and please if you have any more questions please let me know and i will try to help.

  • Thanks Stan 

    yes please any help you can give me will be greatly received 

    where is the best place to start? I'm at a loss it's a bit confusing! I thouroghly understand there won't be a quick fix solution and like with any friendship there will be ups and downs 

    I just want there to be more ups than downs and want to make sure he is comfortable with me. 

    we have fun! Sometimes when we talk (one on one) he will tell me a lot of personal stuff especially about his family. Which is great he wants to share a lot of guys don't! But every so often he starts to rock! I believe this is called a 'stim' 

    when he stims should I be worried?! is it an anxiety thing? Should I change the topic? Or let him work through it? 

  • Yeah absolutley. My Daughter is Autistic and patience, understanding and knowing him/her is key. you are doing the right thing. If you want to know more about Autism, please see other areas of this website or if you want i can try to help as I do have a basic qualificaion in Autism. It would be nice to see how you get on. Autism is so fascinating.

  • Hi Stan 

    thank you! 

    So allow him to be himself and come to us. 

    Just always leave the door open (so to speak!) and he will join in when and if he is ready to?! 

    Sounds like a good plan 

    and glad to hear I'm probably not the cause of his anxieties. That's a relief! Just exercise some patience and extend a hand when and as he wants/needs it! I can do that! 

  • Hi complicatedcabbage,

    I dont think think you are causing him any anxiety. People with Autism struggle with emotions and how they think people think of them. I think the best thing you can do is let him be him in his own way and let him approach you. Be straight with him and let him know you like him but tell him if that is not what he wants or understands then you will respect that and that you will always be his freind. More importantly, you will always be there for him no matter what. Hes got a good person by his side and its good to see.