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Friendships with those with ASD (how to be helpful)

Complicatedcabbage

ok so I really like a guy who has ASD 

whats the problem I hear you say?! 

I fear I am the cause of a lot of his stress and anxiety! Just by being me! 

I like him for him. He's really lovely! I just don't want to be the cause of his stress. I want to be helpful! i think he knows I like him. But I don't think that's reciprocated which is sad but it is what it is! 

I just want him to be happy and at ease when we work together! 

Can you give me some ideas of how to be more understanding, helpful and just less of a cause of his anxiety! I figure a better understanding will help more than trying to change me! 

But it any pointers to help me be a better friend at least?

what should/could I do to help him feel easy and happier! 

Thanks 

Parents

  • Hi,

    Firstly, you are right about the rocking. It is a form of stimming. Stimming can be any form of repetative behaviour. Sometimes this is done to seek out certain sensory experiences and can also be as a coping machanism in an attempt to feel safer emotionaly and physically and can sometimes be deeply absorbed in it almost if they are in a world of their own. Almost anything can trigger this off. It could be that something maybe worrying him or if hes been talking about something particularly sensitive and feels quite anxious after a while. It could be something somebody has said that has upset him. He will know what it is but may not want tell you. I think your observations could play a vital part in this. If you know what has triggered it try to minimise it next time. It is nothing to worry about its just a coping machanism for anxieties. It may be best to sit there till hes worked through it or maybe even walk away from it. Every person with Autism is different so how its dealt with will be different too. It is said that the best person to talk to about a person with Autism are the parents because they know them best. I can tell you about Autism to give you a better understanding but how you dealt with it will depend on how well you know him. I hope this helps and please if you have any more questions please let me know and i will try to help.

Reply

  • Hi,

    Firstly, you are right about the rocking. It is a form of stimming. Stimming can be any form of repetative behaviour. Sometimes this is done to seek out certain sensory experiences and can also be as a coping machanism in an attempt to feel safer emotionaly and physically and can sometimes be deeply absorbed in it almost if they are in a world of their own. Almost anything can trigger this off. It could be that something maybe worrying him or if hes been talking about something particularly sensitive and feels quite anxious after a while. It could be something somebody has said that has upset him. He will know what it is but may not want tell you. I think your observations could play a vital part in this. If you know what has triggered it try to minimise it next time. It is nothing to worry about its just a coping machanism for anxieties. It may be best to sit there till hes worked through it or maybe even walk away from it. Every person with Autism is different so how its dealt with will be different too. It is said that the best person to talk to about a person with Autism are the parents because they know them best. I can tell you about Autism to give you a better understanding but how you dealt with it will depend on how well you know him. I hope this helps and please if you have any more questions please let me know and i will try to help.

Children
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