Really struggling with cleaning/ household tasks

I get so into polotics reading about the Labour Party all the time! I know I have Pathological Demand and don't have a diagnosis. I was told aspergrers but it doesn't make sense lots don't think I have it. Cannot get diagnosis. Need urgent help with housework 

• Goodness that's like me I've got no help at all I'm sure I have pda cannot get a diagnosis. Was told I had mild Adhd yet not prescribed anything and the mental health team zi spoke to in July 20 stopped involvement by November. Maudsley should be avoided  was referred by ex social Work who also closed their involvement in October 22 

No advice but I can relate. I hate housework and it often piles up and it really frustrates me but I just don't have the motivation to do it. Luckily now I have a diagnosis of ASD my partner kind of understands more but also isn't great with housework and I'll often have to ask him to help me.

Hi Friend,

I was later in life diagnosed myself (high functioning that learned at a very young age if I wanted to be liked I had to mask myself). I have a terrible time with chores due to I was never really taught how to determine when it should be done; my mom would just tell me what to do and how when growing up- don't come for her she is a great mom that didn't know anything about raising neurodivergent children and the fact we have to learn EVERYTHING or we will be "clueless" on things typically people just know; like determining when I should vacuum or clean the toilet are good examples I deal with.

Also if my routine is thrown off I won't do chores cause I get anxiety if I do the dishes on a Tuesday when Wednesday is dishes day. Or my loving fiancé did Laundry and didn't hang up the clothes in the closet where they belong I can't do laundry anymore or I get angry about the "mess" he left.

My fiancé has been around before I was diagnosed so it has been work to learn how to manage. He is more vocal to me on what needs to be done and I'm more vocal on how I want things to be done so I continuously do them without a freak out. Also remember if your environment changes you most likely will need to be reminded of chores. (moving apartments is a nightmare for me cause I loose all the process I made and the routines I've created)

I would recommend talking to your spouse on no longer criticizing you instead ask him to calmly tell you what he thinks should be done and when. Or set up a chore circle for the house (my fiancé actually loves ours and uses it to remind me what still needs to be done without me feeling shamed, the chore wheel is always right- if it says its time to do a chore it's time)

*wow after going to town with this post I realize it's 6 years old* I'm still posting...

I used to be terrible at this - procrastination, because where do you start in such a big task??

But I find it really easy to keep on top of now, I just needed a mental 'tool' to help.

Here's the tool

Here's a mindset

The tool helps me do "crisis cleaning", which is a very quick way of tidying the whole house, focussing on specific tasks in a really quick way. It has 10 steps, I only do a few of them, so maybe try a few and see where it gets you. If you only do one, do step 4. Just having a basket to put things in from one room and move them to another helps enormously.

The mindset helps enormously to stop it getting back into the mess it was. Michael McIntyre said his wife asks him why he puts his socks near the washbasket, as if that would get them clean, and that maybe she would try putting the dirty dishes near the dishwasher to see if it worked. I use that mindset - putting it away in the proper place instead of just putting it down - all the time! - keeps your house always tidy.

My other advice is to routinise it. Set aside 30 minutes every Saturday morning 09:30-10:00 and know that in this time you will blitz the house. Measure how long it takes you in case you need to adjust. This isn't a time to be dreaded or avoided, it's just simply a task that needs doing. Take the emotion out of it and make it practical. Make it quick, literally rush around the house so you don't get distracted. If there are other people in the house, get them involved so they each have specific responsibilities and know that, at this time, everyone has to get busy and do their tasks, no excuses, no avoidance - because doing this will help the house and relationships run smoother.

I am EXACTLY the same! I spend a lot more time thinking about doing things than I actually spend doing them. Seems like it takes a long time for me to summon up the energy and motivation to get even the basic things done a lot of the time. I tend to find once I get started then I can then power on and get more done, but it's that first step of getting started that's so damm hard. 

I wish I had some advice for you, but unfortunately I'm in exactly the same predicament.

Hi guys,

I've just read through all the comments and nodded my head and chuckled.

We all write lists, and in some ways they help, because they co-ordinate our focus.

However when we 'overthink' ( I hate that term BTW) we end up generating lists which are too long which only make us more depressed and anxious.

It is ok to ask for help with tasks too, so when peer pressure from family or friends get applied, ask them for help.

None of us are perfect and I have learned that those who tell you 'it's easy', tend to be those who delegate tasks to others anyway.

Above all be honest with yourselves and others. Not everyone can understand those periods of suffocating darkness or the listness and apathy they can bring.

I have discussed things with my GP, and I get busy when I go through those times, although I have learned to give myself at least one 'down-day' every couple of weeks or I get so exhausted I get ill.

When I had children still at home my solution was blackboard paint on doors. On the inside doors of kitchen cupboards allowed me to keep separate lists, ie 'shopping' and 'to do' etc. The kitchen door was where I would leave school reminders, and the door to the living room carried 'house' reminders.

Visitors may have found it odd, but the consensus was it was a good idea.

Our homes may be cluttered and messy, they are homes, not some idealised picture in a magazine which is pushed at us as though it is normal when it is anything but.

I use music to tackle housework, and I usually tackle it in bursts of energy when I find time. I find it best done when I am alone and I have less distractions.

I've found up-beat jazz or rock and roll the best for deep cleaning and since I hate ironing I use 2beat reggae to deal with that. When I am dealing with something that requires a more aggresive approach I use rock music.

I now use a combination of whiteboards, a large calender by the front door to keep track of my various work schedules, and I get great delight in wiping off the white boards when I have completed them.

I am a professional cook so as long as my kitchen is clean, I can ignore the rest until I get round to it. The bathroom is small so that is easy to keep uncluttered and I use storage boxes to keep everything out of sight.

Paperwork is my biggest bugbear, and I use a 'hamster' filing system, which means I tend to stuff it all in a cupboard out of sight until it gets so full I have to deal with it.

Those days I am always in a foul mood and best left alone. I get a large laundry basket to dump the stuff I don't need to keep and as I am mindful about confidentiality, it gets burnt in an old washing machine drum I have outside as a firepit.

I have one display cabinet where I keep all my 'sentimental' things. Although larger items are displayed on window sills or shelves.

Our 'collections' can prove overwhelming but I have discovered that if I can give away to a good home an 'entire' collection I can move on with less attachment and anxiety.

My family and friends have learned that I do not mind if they then re-gift those collections eleswhere, but I only get upset when they are put into the rubbish.

Modern life is more complicated than ever before, and I use a white marker or a black marker pen to write on plugs the name of the relevant gadget they are attached to. It helps me remember what that particular adapter is for too.

I have a friend who dislikes writing on objects so she uses coloured tape tags on the wires which she finds more acceptable.

There are no 'off-the-cuff' solutions and there is a reason why housework gets called 'chores', but if you can make them more fun for yourself, they are more easily tackled.

Some of us work better at schedules, some of us work better in 'bursts' but find what works for you.

I hope this helps illustrate possible solutions for some, now I really should stop 'procastinating' on-line and go scrub my floors, and take my huge fluffy dog for a walk through all the wet muddy woods.  True, I'll walk the dog first then scrub the floors.

I wish you all well, and hope you find some sunshine on those cloudy dim days, but the housework needs to be prioritised just like any other occupation.

So deal with what needs doing to stay healthy first.

Hi,

I relate to your problems, 25 years ago I bought a new house, was (still am) obsessive about keeping it clean. Now I am just overwhelmed. I had aspergers diagnosis last year, and I have only just recently got help from local organisation who specialise in caring for people with learning disabilities, but like yourself I don't have finances to keep it going.

I live on my own which compounds the issues, with a job and everything that entails. I am ocd about germs and contamination, but my place is a mess. I used to be so on top of things when I was younger. 

I have a hoarding problem, compulsive buying / acquiring of stuff. Have recently started sorting through it. I can't face throwing stuff out, but have been able to "let go" of things so have started selling on amazon on ebay.

I am trying to take a fresh look at things and my feelings of attachment to them. Its a hard slog, but I am able to gradually get less attached to stuff.

I do lists now and then to overcome executive problems, but for some reason I can't keep that going on a continual basis. I think its because I get these extreme down spells every so often, and everything gets thrown up in the air.

Thinking of getting a small whiteboard to do my lists on

I bought a mobile phone mainly to do similar, but I don't think that is working out too well for me.

Another approach I have tried, is to just try an allocate half an hour to an hour each day to just clean or sort out one thing. It does ease the burden of the task when it starts growing.

Random

I sometimes write the things I need to do on a list and try and do one thing on the list each day. That way, I'm only concerned about one task not all of them. If I get that one thing done, I feel good.

If I need to hoover, clean the bathroom, dust etc. I'll break it down into separate items on the list. I might even break the hoovering down in to separate areas!

If I don't do that then I'm thinking about everything that needs doing and never get started.

I don't really have any advice but I can offer solidarity.  I also struggle with stuff like that: procrastination, and it makes my head hurt as certain activities seem to encourage thoughts to just go round and round and round until it drives me nuts.

For me, the partial (and only very partial) solution is to do stuff that I'm reasonably okay with.  I feel like I'm pulling my weight, which regardless of any considerations of my ability just makes me feel better about myself, and... er, in the time it took me to write that I've forgotten my second point.  But at least I managed one of them!

So I do the cooking and washing up.  Yeah, sometimes I get frustrated and occasionally I leave the rings on and I nearly set fire to a wooden spoon last week but I actually like cooking and I'm reasonably good at it.  So do stuff that you're cool with and try not to set fire to anything because that would suck.

I actually bought a fire extinguisher recently in case of any more oopsies.