Published on 12, July, 2020
I have just had a diagnosis of apsergers (with a fair amount of adhd traits too) at 38. I have a long history of depression and anxety. I am struggling most with executive functioning and it is the adhd traits that seem to be causing my the most problems at the moment. I have struggled for so long with keeping my house clean and uncluttered. My house is full of clutter and I am a huge procrastinator, have very low motivation and even if I do actually manage to do some housework I get distracted or can't seem to do it for long. I get over whelmed by everything that needs to be done but also seem to have an issue with just doing a little bit at a time.
I have been criticised by my husband and my parents for so long as they just couldn't understand why I found it all so difficult. I wish I could employ a cleaner and someone to help me organise things but I don't have the money.
Any adivce woulde be much appreciated. I was only diagnosed last week and am still getting my head around it all.
Hi Friend,
I was later in life diagnosed myself (high functioning that learned at a very young age if I wanted to be liked I had to mask myself). I have a terrible time with chores due to I was never really taught how to determine when it should be done; my mom would just tell me what to do and how when growing up- don't come for her she is a great mom that didn't know anything about raising neurodivergent children and the fact we have to learn EVERYTHING or we will be "clueless" on things typically people just know; like determining when I should vacuum or clean the toilet are good examples I deal with.
Also if my routine is thrown off I won't do chores cause I get anxiety if I do the dishes on a Tuesday when Wednesday is dishes day. Or my loving fiancé did Laundry and didn't hang up the clothes in the closet where they belong I can't do laundry anymore or I get angry about the "mess" he left.
My fiancé has been around before I was diagnosed so it has been work to learn how to manage. He is more vocal to me on what needs to be done and I'm more vocal on how I want things to be done so I continuously do them without a freak out. Also remember if your environment changes you most likely will need to be reminded of chores. (moving apartments is a nightmare for me cause I loose all the process I made and the routines I've created)
I would recommend talking to your spouse on no longer criticizing you instead ask him to calmly tell you what he thinks should be done and when. Or set up a chore circle for the house (my fiancé actually loves ours and uses it to remind me what still needs to be done without me feeling shamed, the chore wheel is always right- if it says its time to do a chore it's time)
*wow after going to town with this post I realize it's 6 years old* I'm still posting...