Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought that finding out I was an aspie recently was a good thing. I've read a lot, found out more about myself and also about why NTs behave like they do, so I can try to deal with life more successfully.
But lately I've started to get quite resentful. I'm having trouble dealing with certain things at work, such as suppliers ringing up expecting to get paid immediately (I mean that same day), colleagues questioning why I don't do socialising, the sheer boredom of processing and filing 300 invoices a week, and the continual silly mistakes of other people that I have to sort out. That's on top of just finding it tiring being around people all day. Then I get home and can't open my balcony doors because of the stink coming out of the flat below and when I'm trying to relax my neighbours go out and leave their dog on its own and it barks for ages, or they stay in and start shouting and cheering (presumably at the football on TV?)
I'm not bothered that I'm "different". I like myself. I don't want to act "normal". My anxiety stems from not being able to defend myself very well, but I only have to do this when I'm with other people apart from my husband and best friend.
I just wish I could retire from work and go and live in a detached house somewhere quiet. I seem to be getting much more sensitised to the effects of working, crowded streets and living in close proximity to others. I don't know if this is because I'm getting older?
We're still a pretty tolerant country compared to many others and I think it's because of all the hysteria surrounding Brexit that some people have let their frustrations boil over into silly acts that, on reflection, they'll probably regret.
In ten years we'll wonder what all the fuss was about!