Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought that finding out I was an aspie recently was a good thing. I've read a lot, found out more about myself and also about why NTs behave like they do, so I can try to deal with life more successfully.
But lately I've started to get quite resentful. I'm having trouble dealing with certain things at work, such as suppliers ringing up expecting to get paid immediately (I mean that same day), colleagues questioning why I don't do socialising, the sheer boredom of processing and filing 300 invoices a week, and the continual silly mistakes of other people that I have to sort out. That's on top of just finding it tiring being around people all day. Then I get home and can't open my balcony doors because of the stink coming out of the flat below and when I'm trying to relax my neighbours go out and leave their dog on its own and it barks for ages, or they stay in and start shouting and cheering (presumably at the football on TV?)
I'm not bothered that I'm "different". I like myself. I don't want to act "normal". My anxiety stems from not being able to defend myself very well, but I only have to do this when I'm with other people apart from my husband and best friend.
I just wish I could retire from work and go and live in a detached house somewhere quiet. I seem to be getting much more sensitised to the effects of working, crowded streets and living in close proximity to others. I don't know if this is because I'm getting older?
I sometimes feel I want to see the word set on fire but I really don't want to be bitter and want to see the good side to peaple. I have been worried about leaving the eu and effect it would have on peaple from the eu, attacks and such and I could see a mile away before it happened. The first week I have seen people's true colours. Peaple that I have lived with for about 20 or so years. Some weren't great peaple to start with but still shocked at there attitude with leaving the eu. One thought it would get rid of the Asians and stop the so called druggie's and bring back jobs. What don't reliase they are not part of the eu hence Asia. What they forgot there are our doctors, nurse's and so forth. So yeah it's hard not to hate some peaple.
As part having to deal with the crap with peaple at work I can't really say much as I try to avoid that environment. I refuse to work in a place that is not an disabled person environment. I do voluntary job that is aimed for peaple with dissbillty's. Plus it makes feel better when I have my spending money.
I have been to many schools and a coallage and we'll I had a break down.