Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought that finding out I was an aspie recently was a good thing. I've read a lot, found out more about myself and also about why NTs behave like they do, so I can try to deal with life more successfully.
But lately I've started to get quite resentful. I'm having trouble dealing with certain things at work, such as suppliers ringing up expecting to get paid immediately (I mean that same day), colleagues questioning why I don't do socialising, the sheer boredom of processing and filing 300 invoices a week, and the continual silly mistakes of other people that I have to sort out. That's on top of just finding it tiring being around people all day. Then I get home and can't open my balcony doors because of the stink coming out of the flat below and when I'm trying to relax my neighbours go out and leave their dog on its own and it barks for ages, or they stay in and start shouting and cheering (presumably at the football on TV?)
I'm not bothered that I'm "different". I like myself. I don't want to act "normal". My anxiety stems from not being able to defend myself very well, but I only have to do this when I'm with other people apart from my husband and best friend.
I just wish I could retire from work and go and live in a detached house somewhere quiet. I seem to be getting much more sensitised to the effects of working, crowded streets and living in close proximity to others. I don't know if this is because I'm getting older?
Hi Pixiefox. I think I said exactly the same sentence about retiring and living in a detached house to somebody the other night. I have the same work issues especially about the "need to sociaise with work colleagues". We have a strong social vibe at work, with regular events. None of these events are things I would ever wish to attend, mainly they seem to involve getting drunk. I am tee total - why would that ever interest me? Still I am constantly asked to attend. I have worked in several places and this always seems common practice. What I do not understand is, why is it so important for a group of people to require somebody to do something they are not interested in? I have even known people who clearly do not like me, pester me to join in.
Like you said, you do start to become resentful about it all. I would also agree that I find it more difficult as I grow older. I think a big factor is that you also get more tired and less able to just shrug it off or ignore it. Luckily though like yourself, I am married and my wife helps tremendously with knowing what to say. Also on the rare occasions I have felt obliged to go to something, normally she comes along to offer support.
Here's to retirement!