Published on 12, July, 2020
I am approaching my 47th birthday, (yet another birthday alone despite having a huge family) and although no less than three experts now think I am an Aspie, after waiting for my official testing day for over three years (after many decades of self-discovery and living Hell-On-Earth everyday) I chased up my testing to be told that I had waited too long and had to be reset, start the waiting period again. In that time I have become even more isolated from society than my norm, which was general isolation in the first place. Being a musician, I retreated into my headphones and I have stayed there for four years now. The shape of my head is actually changing because of this and no help from anyone.
So my question is, are there any other Aspies out there who can offer advice on coping with extreme isolation? After 10 years you kinda go numb, 15 years it becomes normal, but after 20 years of isolation now the only reason I do not kill myself is because I actually died in 1994 and had such a powerful NDE that I now believe karmically if I did kill myself I would have to start this hell all over again, so I endure, how do others endure?
What makes it worse is I had a very dangerous alcoholic Mother growing up, and being the eldest, I was the punch bag for her as I refused to let her hurt my sisters, so I always protected them, but at the cost of my own sanity as I was beaten, stabbed, you name it, but worst were the mind games, telling me every day I was worthless. Think “A Child Called It” and you are not far off. Now they are all safe and grown up, they ignore me completely, even though I saved them all from this monster who they visit every week, bit refuse to visit me, always claiming they are “too busy”, so I have got to the point where I wish to divorce my entire blood family, especially as I keep getting “forgotten” about when invites to family events are sent out.
What the hell is wrong with the “human” race? I have been treated like *** by nearly every person I have met my entire life, how do others cope with this?
Hi Beltane,
I'm glad that our thoughts are resonating with you. There is a lot that is unknown about autism and how its affects play out in life and everything.
The genetic link is very strong and obvious in a lot of cases but some cases don't have an obvious cause. I think that one of the problems is that autism is described mainly by its symptoms rather than by a straightforward lab test so I think there are autistic behaviours that come from a variety of roots. Being deaf and/or blind is an obvious case where the isolation imposed by those disabilities causes autism like behaviour.
Dr Wakefield has been struck off for his part in the vaccine story. It turned out that he was making up data to suit the theory that he was convinced was real. His obsessional and narrow minded approach (now, where might he have got that from?) is common among scientists and it can lead to great revelations however it can also lead to bad results if someone fits the data to suit their theory. Having said that, "Absence of evidence does not imply evidence of absence" so there may still be some link but nobody has found the proof yet. One issue with the vaccines is that they are used at an age where autism is often not evident before the vaccination, as the child is too young, but the autism may be discovered after vaccination because the child is then old enough to be tested. Then, when people look for a cause (because people like to find something to blame for their misfortune) they identify the vaccination as an event that could have triggered the change.
I don't agree with the "next evolution" ideas. I don't think we are better or worse than anyone else. We definitely help society by standing up against the sheep/lemming like behaviour that is a common feature of human behaviour. But, if everyone was as awkward and argumentative as us then nothing would get done!
Have you read the Neurotribes book? I found it challenging as some of the history of the discovery and treatment of autism is distinctly disconcerting and uncomfortable but the author does point out how we can use online forums like this to make something of a community where we can be understood.