where would I start discussion about having a partner with Aspergers?

Hey, I'm 20. My boyfriend (22) of over 2 years is query ASD. I'd be happy to chat and share my experiences.

I know how you feel. It can seem that they are "self centred and unemotional". My son is recently diagnosed with autism and I am convinced that my husband is also on the spectrum. When we were going through the diagnosis I suggested this to dh and he didn't want to admit it but as the symptoms and difficulties associated with ds's diagnosis were explained to him, he is gradually coming around to the idea. Now we joke about it and when his symptoms materialise I call him my aspie hubby, and he sees the funny side of it.

It was difficult at first especially when I was ill with a bipolar episode. I couldn't understand why he was behaving the way he did. But now that I have done my own research we have been able to work on both our issues together.

Hi there

I know the feeling.  My ex husband was diagnosed with Aspergers only a few months after our DS age 6 was also diagnosed with Aspergers.  We separated almost 2 years ago now but I still love him to bits as a person but being in an intimate relationship was essentially very difficult for the both of us so we decided that we would be better as very close friends who do the best to raise our two sons :-)

Aspergers as a diagnosis wasn't that obvious until after DS was diagnosed.  This, I think from discussing with my ex, is because he has spent years pretending to be the perfect husband and felt some relief at not having to do so...  I prefer it that way too, he is way happier :-)

If I can delicately pick up on this issue, it probably originates from text book diagnostics about aspergers etc. We do have a sense of humour (albeit a bit more original!), we do have feelings and concerns towards others (and often make good carers), and while we may be pre-occupied with the stresses of life its not that we are actually self centred. But people reading text books on aspergers and HF autism are led to believe that because of the clinical wording. Hopefully this forum will help people see the real persons behind the diagnoses.

My partner recently attended a series of 6 workshops, 'cygnet' programme for parents to support children with ASD diagnosis, (our youngest is 9, diagnosed AS last Jan).

Course addressed parents with ASD, and he realised that was him, has resulted in lots of positive conversation, and got us talking as opposed to me making a joke that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Good luck.

I have aspergers and actually find it rather offensive insinuating those with aspergers are 'self-centred and unemotional'. If you find that those are the only 'symptoms', then try doing some research before jumping to conclusions. If you think, for other less ignorant reasons, that he has aspergers then ask him to get evaluated/assessed.

Consider calling a helpline for basic information before asking him though.

thanks i would appreciate that. i dont know if mine is self-centred and unemotional because of personality or aspergers - son diagnosed over 12 years ago..

stardust I think you began already . . .

I no longer live with him . .but co - parent.

Happy to share experiences.