Getting Help Living Independently With AS

Okay, so I was diagnosed with Aspergers back when I was about 13/14. Long story short, within weeks of being diagnosed social services was informed and I was assigned a support worker and I was referred to my nearest mental health hospital to attend a weekly support group for teens with high functioning autism. Within months of receiving this support it was found that "I no longer needed support". 

Shortly before I turned 17 things broke down at home and I was kicked out of both my mothers and my fathers home. For some reason my local council wouldn't help me at the time so I ended up staying with friends for a few months before my mum agreed to let me come home, but that didn't last very long. Both me and my mum went to our local council to get them to help and they put me in a homeless hostel then got me my own place. While at the homeless hostel I was meant to receive help and support to make the transition into my flat easier, they were also meant to get me a support worker from a local charity to help me as soon as I moved in. None of which happened.

 

It's now been 4 years since I moved into my flat and I have been served with an eviction notice twice and taken to court due to many reasons (condition of the flat, rent/service charge arrears among other things), it is only because my mother has helped me each time have I been able to get out of them issues, but as she works full time she can't give me the support I need.

 

It has now got to the point where I'm in desperate need of help but I've read many times and seen many petitions online regarding young adults with high functioning autism being sectioned under the mental health act for extended periods without valid reasoning, and I'm petrified that if I ask my local social services for help that I will get sectioned as I almost was back in September by the police after they visited me when I was reported missing due to having a breakdown in August where I didn't speak to anyone or leave my flat for over a month.

 

What I'm trying to get at is, can anyone give me any advice as to how I can go about getting the help that I really need?

 

Please, any advice would be appreciated.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I agree with True Colors that there are limits to what you can do with a self help book but we are left with the problem of how to make a case for getting more help and how to identify what help you might want. I think that organising the task of "getting help" is something that you can tackle with a self help book. Getting help can be a project which can benefit from research and planning and thinking ahead. This is the sort of small task that the Gaus book helps you to understand that you can tackle yourself.

    Getting things organised and tackled is a thing that we are really bad at. Procrastination and poor "executive function" means that things pile up and don't get dealt with. I am really bad at project management but now, late in life, I can see that I have a problem with it and I can do some small things (I am constantly keeping notes and setting reminders in my smartphone) to actually address my deficient skills and tendencies in that department. When I get something done (even something apparently trivial) I chalk it up as a one step forward moment and at the end of the day I can be satisfied that I have at least done something to keep my world in order.

  • Seems to me that at least part of your problems are based dealing with finances. You might find a visit to citizens advice a good start to try and find a way to resolve those or at least ease off the burden.

    You are at that age where there are massive changes taking place, and that causes a lot of additional stress and pressue for people with aspergers.

    I get very angry at housing situation in this country, and the difficulties and pressures that puts on people, aspergers and NTs included. Dealing with landlord and other issues, still causes me a lot of stress these days. I did "own" my home in the 90s with a mortgage, that was less stressful managing the property and not having to deal with landlords, but I had to sell that after 5 years because my company had financial problems, and I could not find another job in commutable distance.

    I have been diagnosed with aspergers at 49, and have lived independantly since I was 24. Before that I was either in shared accomodation, or was a "lodger" with a family from around 16. It was a big change for me, but no big challenges as far as living independantly was concerned. It was a slower transition from family life in to independant living for me compared to your situation.

    Today, I too am having problems accessing the help I need through my diagnosis, and after my diagnosis. I did have a mental breakdown around 20 years ago, and hit similar problems, let down with support.

    For past 2-3 years I have had problems looking after my home, I used to be on top of all that. I've just had so much happen I simply just can't cope with it all. We all have our limits, and I feel with aspergers we hit that limit much sooner than nt would experience. I'm not sure what the solution for that is, I hope it makes it a little easier knowing others struggle with the same things.

    Random

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Have you read http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Well-Spectrum-Challenges-High-Functioning/dp/1606236342 This book gives some practical things that you can do to improve your life and take control of things a bit.

    There is a also a book in the Dummies series http://www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Syndrome-Dummies-Georgina-Cuesta-ebook/dp/B00ADS3XTO but I haven't read that.

    The Gaus book gives some practical strategies for getting to grips with things and improving your life.

  • I don't think you understand recombinantsocks, I don't come from a chaotic and conflicted home, while my home life may not have "ended" well, it only became conflicted when I was around 15/16, shortly before being kicked out, while my parents were divorced, they were always civilised towards eachother, while there were the occasional arguments we all got on (again up until I was around 15/16) and the reason for everything changing when I was that age was due to my mum getting re-married and my new stepdad not really understanding AS, (my mum and late stepdad didn't understand at first, and neither did I to be frank, they had help from social services on understanding and coping with me having AS) things got complicated.

    I know none of this is really anyones fault, it's just something out of your control that you just have to sort of learn to cope and manage, and that's the issue I have... I have no idea how to cope, I can barely manage to get by on a day to day basis, nobody I know really understands so all they can do is just listen and say the usual "things will get better" and all that which to be honest makes me feel worse because I've been hearing that for quite a few years now but things have only gotten worse, and I just can't take it anymore! I just wanna scream, cry, punch something, lock myself away in my flat, just to try and get away from it all, but I know it will only make things worse as I've done it before and it made things 10 times worse!

    All I want is help and I've tried getting it, but just explaining my issues causes me to get extremely frustrated and wanting to cry (I almost have broken down crying on the phone before now trying to get help)

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi RareOne,

    Welcome to the forum. Your story is typical, in many ways, of life as an autistic person. You have come from a chaotic and conflictful home, your parents are separated, nobody gets on with anyone else and it is all baffling and you end up living a chaotic adult life.

    How much have you read about autism and how much do you understand why your life has been like this?

    What I must say at this point that none of this is your, or anyone else's, fault. Autism causes conflict and it causes people to have chaotic lives but nobody has consciously tried to make your life hard and nobody has tried to make your parents' life hard. We are in a sense programmed by our genes to struggle to understand other people but if you understand this then you can work on understanding yourself and others and try to have a better life than your childhood would lead you to expect.

    I hope this makes sense? I was diagnosed 2 years ago and can see how autism has caused serious issues and conflict in my family over several generations. With the knowledge that is available nowadays about how it works I am very happy to use this knoweldge to avoid, and work around, trouble that might have caused me problems in the past.