Obsession with people

That was great to find that this was a autistic trait. I didn't have anything I was doing for awhile didn't find any special thing I was doing because I felt disrespected by my family. Because I wasn't allowed to do my old special interest and work on the sea. My old interest was sailors, uniforms and leadership. I thought I was over that when I got married.

I signed my son up for martial arts. I found out my sister had cancer. I ended up singing up with my son because it was an old interest. The instructor wore something that resembled an old interest and that could have been a trigger. He was nice enough to help me make a video for my sister. I found my self getting obsessed with my Taekwondo instructor. To the point where I was falling in love with him. Then I wrote him a note about how I felt. I got kicked out. 

I think what triggered it was I wanted some one to respect me as a person. I was trying to seek approval and support. By a person of leadership because of what I used to do. I was looking for a change and unaware of the state of my mental state at the time. I just wanted something and I didn't know what.

Then I trained karate for awhile at a different place. One of instructor wasn't understanding of autism I would have other issues there. People would make up stuff about me. Stuff I didn't even do. So there was no people obsession there. Because the other instructor would let me assistant class. I was tired of getting disrespected for a problem I can't change. I found that I loved martial arts. They keep on saying how martial arts is good for autistic people. So why can't an autistic person be an instructor if they are able to?

But I was still obsessed with the other place. The old instructor left. There was some other 2 guys there I told them about what happened. They let me back in. Then I got obsessed with them. But the main guy listened to me about it. Because his brother had autism. He was a person of more understanding. I started to focus more on the special interest of martial arts not the person. He got me focused on being an assistant instructor. Then I felt my whole world came to an end when he left.

I thought I was still okay with the other guy to be his assistant. Because I wasn't obsessing over any one for awhile at that point. Then company wouldn't let me be his assistant.

There was this guy that showed up out of nowhere. I just didn't like him and I could see his BS. I couldn't understand why no one else could see it. The guy was turning everyone against me. That I thought was understating of me. I became obsessed to expose his BS. No one was listening I didn't get it how could they believe him being there for a few months and me being there for years. I just couldn't stop talking about him. Was mad he was making up stuff I didn't even do. I tried to tell them that. That ended up ruining my chances to be an instructor. Someone told me something he did. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling the head master about it. I was going to have everything back and he will just go away. I ended up getting kicked out for good this time.

 Because the only thing they could think of what I did a long time ago as if I made no progress. I was mad at Mr. BS.  They discriminated me promed Mr. BS to black belt in a month because he wasn't autistic and he wasn't even that good and this guy was a pervert. That was so unfair when you work to change something your still punished for your life struggles of the past. 

I still didn't want to quit. I ended up opening up my own business and trying really hard not get to obsessed with people that sign up. It is hard when you get attached to them and some leave. You feel your still messing up and wondering what our they saying about you. You have to just keep going. Some people are just not going to understand.

Obsessing over people as a person with autism is one of the worst things to have. If the person is actually in your life and not on TV. Finding a special interest is important for autistic people. When you don't have one or not aloud to do it anymore it's t's very frustrating. Some people don't know what things mean to you even though it seems ridiculous to them. 

The very fact that I found your question is testimony that I have the same situation going on with me.  I remember as young as fourth grade being totally, nearly hitched to a sixth grader long before I knew I was an Aspie.   Now I have found a teacher/mentor whom I am struggling to keep myself from picking up the phone to call her just to talk. She even honored me twice in class in a short time so I feel extra close to her and want to just do "mom" activities with her. Surrogate motherhood

I do miss that essence of being able to tell my mom whatever is on my mind and having it be accepted and almost honored for its wit.  This mentor fills all the boxes that my mom cannot.  I even had to move away from my mom as the pain of not being able to share my favorite things was of little or no interest to her. 

I also have an obsession with people, mostly with women (I'm not gay by the way) I tend to get fixated on people's personal lives. The first person I had an obsession with was a support assistant in high school called Miss Jackson, then it was the actress Zoe Tapper, I saw her in a TV series called Survivors , afterwards it was another actress called Katie Featherston who was in Paranormal Activity ( she actually replied to a comment I put on her Facebook page which was quite cool) the 2 most recent people I've become obsessed with is Olympic rower Heather Stanning ( I was obsessed with finding out about her army career and her hobbies outside of rowing) and USA soccer player Becky Sauerbrunn (I've become obsessed with finding out which books she's been reading and video games she plays Ive bought a lot of books she's mentioned in interviews and posts that she put up on twitter. Does my obsession sound like a ASD trait or am I just a nosey cow?

Azalea, you have explained my feelings very well. Yes, for me too, I like women who are a little bit older than me. I am 28 years old and like women in their early 30s. They can take on the role of both big sister and mother. I look very young for my years, and people tell me I have a 'baby face'. I am short in height and look about 18 years old. I also have been told that I can have a young voice. So I think that kind and nurturing types do see me in a similar light as they would a little girl who needs tender loving care. I actually don't mind this, indeed, part of me feels really cosy and warm inside when I am called 'darling' and 'sweetheart'. There is a strong part of me that wants to be mothered, probably to make up for lack of mothering because my own mother, while well meaning, has never really met my emotional needs.

Hi Hope,

You do ask difficult questions and I expect that most people will fear to try and tell you what to do or think. I don't want to tell you what to do oe think either, I want to reassure you and give you some ideas to think about.

People with Asperger's are often less able to form relationships as we struggle with communication and avoid eye contact a do a bunch of stuff that just makes it hard. This doesn't make it impossible, it just makes it harder. There are lots of people on this forum that have succeeded in finding partners so there is no reason for you not to succeed.

Having Aspergers doesn't mean that the other normal programmed behaviours aren't there. It is entirely normal to want to form a deep relationship with a partner. Humans are normally monogamous and mate for life. We are programmed to feel bad (i.e. lonely) when we have to live alone and this drives us to seek a partner. I think this is adult rather than child like behaviour. As a child, you depend on parents for providing the essentials of life and you don't need to form a partnership in order to survive. The need to find a partner therefore develops after childhood and happens at different times for different people.

It is also normal to admire celebrities. This is an observation of the popularity of magazines like Hello which demonstrate the attraction that people have to people that are "successful". These magazines don't impress me but their popularity is difficult to argue with. That is what impresses a lot of people.

I think that it is also common to be attracted to people of the same gender. This may be a developmental phase or it may be what will make you happiest for the rest of your life. I can't answer that question for you and can only suggest that you work this out for yourself. This is an area where it is hard to find proper facts as everybody (both sides of the debate) tends to have entrenched views that are prone to prejudice and confirmation bias.

I think that there is a tendency for people with Asperger's to struggle to mature at the same speed as normal people. It may be that you are going through doubts that more socially adept people would have got sorted out earlier in life.