Obsession with people

The very fact that I found your question is testimony that I have the same situation going on with me.  I remember as young as fourth grade being totally, nearly hitched to a sixth grader long before I knew I was an Aspie.   Now I have found a teacher/mentor whom I am struggling to keep myself from picking up the phone to call her just to talk. She even honored me twice in class in a short time so I feel extra close to her and want to just do "mom" activities with her. Surrogate motherhood

I do miss that essence of being able to tell my mom whatever is on my mind and having it be accepted and almost honored for its wit.  This mentor fills all the boxes that my mom cannot.  I even had to move away from my mom as the pain of not being able to share my favorite things was of little or no interest to her. 

I also have an obsession with people, mostly with women (I'm not gay by the way) I tend to get fixated on people's personal lives. The first person I had an obsession with was a support assistant in high school called Miss Jackson, then it was the actress Zoe Tapper, I saw her in a TV series called Survivors , afterwards it was another actress called Katie Featherston who was in Paranormal Activity ( she actually replied to a comment I put on her Facebook page which was quite cool) the 2 most recent people I've become obsessed with is Olympic rower Heather Stanning ( I was obsessed with finding out about her army career and her hobbies outside of rowing) and USA soccer player Becky Sauerbrunn (I've become obsessed with finding out which books she's been reading and video games she plays Ive bought a lot of books she's mentioned in interviews and posts that she put up on twitter. Does my obsession sound like a ASD trait or am I just a nosey cow?

Azalea, you have explained my feelings very well. Yes, for me too, I like women who are a little bit older than me. I am 28 years old and like women in their early 30s. They can take on the role of both big sister and mother. I look very young for my years, and people tell me I have a 'baby face'. I am short in height and look about 18 years old. I also have been told that I can have a young voice. So I think that kind and nurturing types do see me in a similar light as they would a little girl who needs tender loving care. I actually don't mind this, indeed, part of me feels really cosy and warm inside when I am called 'darling' and 'sweetheart'. There is a strong part of me that wants to be mothered, probably to make up for lack of mothering because my own mother, while well meaning, has never really met my emotional needs.

Hi Hope,

You do ask difficult questions and I expect that most people will fear to try and tell you what to do or think. I don't want to tell you what to do oe think either, I want to reassure you and give you some ideas to think about.

People with Asperger's are often less able to form relationships as we struggle with communication and avoid eye contact a do a bunch of stuff that just makes it hard. This doesn't make it impossible, it just makes it harder. There are lots of people on this forum that have succeeded in finding partners so there is no reason for you not to succeed.

Having Aspergers doesn't mean that the other normal programmed behaviours aren't there. It is entirely normal to want to form a deep relationship with a partner. Humans are normally monogamous and mate for life. We are programmed to feel bad (i.e. lonely) when we have to live alone and this drives us to seek a partner. I think this is adult rather than child like behaviour. As a child, you depend on parents for providing the essentials of life and you don't need to form a partnership in order to survive. The need to find a partner therefore develops after childhood and happens at different times for different people.

It is also normal to admire celebrities. This is an observation of the popularity of magazines like Hello which demonstrate the attraction that people have to people that are "successful". These magazines don't impress me but their popularity is difficult to argue with. That is what impresses a lot of people.

I think that it is also common to be attracted to people of the same gender. This may be a developmental phase or it may be what will make you happiest for the rest of your life. I can't answer that question for you and can only suggest that you work this out for yourself. This is an area where it is hard to find proper facts as everybody (both sides of the debate) tends to have entrenched views that are prone to prejudice and confirmation bias.

I think that there is a tendency for people with Asperger's to struggle to mature at the same speed as normal people. It may be that you are going through doubts that more socially adept people would have got sorted out earlier in life.