Obsession with people

Hi Hope,

You do ask difficult questions and I expect that most people will fear to try and tell you what to do or think. I don't want to tell you what to do oe think either, I want to reassure you and give you some ideas to think about.

People with Asperger's are often less able to form relationships as we struggle with communication and avoid eye contact a do a bunch of stuff that just makes it hard. This doesn't make it impossible, it just makes it harder. There are lots of people on this forum that have succeeded in finding partners so there is no reason for you not to succeed.

Having Aspergers doesn't mean that the other normal programmed behaviours aren't there. It is entirely normal to want to form a deep relationship with a partner. Humans are normally monogamous and mate for life. We are programmed to feel bad (i.e. lonely) when we have to live alone and this drives us to seek a partner. I think this is adult rather than child like behaviour. As a child, you depend on parents for providing the essentials of life and you don't need to form a partnership in order to survive. The need to find a partner therefore develops after childhood and happens at different times for different people.

It is also normal to admire celebrities. This is an observation of the popularity of magazines like Hello which demonstrate the attraction that people have to people that are "successful". These magazines don't impress me but their popularity is difficult to argue with. That is what impresses a lot of people.

I think that it is also common to be attracted to people of the same gender. This may be a developmental phase or it may be what will make you happiest for the rest of your life. I can't answer that question for you and can only suggest that you work this out for yourself. This is an area where it is hard to find proper facts as everybody (both sides of the debate) tends to have entrenched views that are prone to prejudice and confirmation bias.

I think that there is a tendency for people with Asperger's to struggle to mature at the same speed as normal people. It may be that you are going through doubts that more socially adept people would have got sorted out earlier in life.

Hi Hope,

You do ask difficult questions and I expect that most people will fear to try and tell you what to do or think. I don't want to tell you what to do oe think either, I want to reassure you and give you some ideas to think about.

People with Asperger's are often less able to form relationships as we struggle with communication and avoid eye contact a do a bunch of stuff that just makes it hard. This doesn't make it impossible, it just makes it harder. There are lots of people on this forum that have succeeded in finding partners so there is no reason for you not to succeed.

Having Aspergers doesn't mean that the other normal programmed behaviours aren't there. It is entirely normal to want to form a deep relationship with a partner. Humans are normally monogamous and mate for life. We are programmed to feel bad (i.e. lonely) when we have to live alone and this drives us to seek a partner. I think this is adult rather than child like behaviour. As a child, you depend on parents for providing the essentials of life and you don't need to form a partnership in order to survive. The need to find a partner therefore develops after childhood and happens at different times for different people.

It is also normal to admire celebrities. This is an observation of the popularity of magazines like Hello which demonstrate the attraction that people have to people that are "successful". These magazines don't impress me but their popularity is difficult to argue with. That is what impresses a lot of people.

I think that it is also common to be attracted to people of the same gender. This may be a developmental phase or it may be what will make you happiest for the rest of your life. I can't answer that question for you and can only suggest that you work this out for yourself. This is an area where it is hard to find proper facts as everybody (both sides of the debate) tends to have entrenched views that are prone to prejudice and confirmation bias.

I think that there is a tendency for people with Asperger's to struggle to mature at the same speed as normal people. It may be that you are going through doubts that more socially adept people would have got sorted out earlier in life.