Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm never really sure how to start forum posts about real-life things, so I'll just say it as it comes into my mind.
As someone who's spent much of their life affected by ASD and has only been diagnosed early this year, it seems like much of my life has been dominated by it. Most notably the ways that people don't seem to want to spend time with me. From an early age in school I was always different and never fit in with everyone else. My interests were always different, I wasn't cool or trendy, I thought all of their interests were boring or stupid, and I had the massive drawback of being an American living in the U.K., and got to be bullied for exactly that. Now the last part faded eventually, but since I'm 30 and have been here since I was 6, it was always going to stop at some point.
It's gotten worse since the diagnosis, despite having spent less than a year knowing why I am the way I am. Most notably, Dad doesn't seem to understand anything about me anymore, and his complete lack of sympathy has me shut out from someone I thought I was really close to. Mum understands me fairly well and has been right with me through this, but Dad doesn't seem to want in on it.
Not having friends in real-life doesn't help much either. There's only three people on the planet apart from my parents that I have frequent contact with. I'm friends with all three of them, I've met one of them and would really like to meet the other two, but they've got their own real-life obligations like family and work. It's like I'm in a room full of people having fun with each other and I'm the only one standing solo. They're all having fun and talking with themselves but I'm shut out of everything. Making it worse is that Dad could be in the same room with me and I'll still feel all alone.
Well, that seems like more than enough for this time of night.
Hi Dan,
I'm commenting in the hope that I can help you. Please try and take a lesson that I learned from years ago. Using the internet forums to help you try and socialise doesn't always work. It isn't that people don't care but sometimes they don't know what to say other than to reassure you that you aren't alone in this world.
I am very lucky to have a friendship circle that exists through mutual love for 1950's and 60's rock n roll.
The friendship that I have with my band members was a very long time coming. I have been in several other bands and some of the people have made life very difficult for me by not being accomodating. But the group of people I'm with now I suppose you can say we all accommodate for each other in one way or another;
The singer has Ehler-Danlos syndrome and suffers constant chronic pain. The main backing singer/soundman suffers with Ulcerative Colitis and is a Gluten/Lactose intolerant, the lead guitarist I believe suffers from depression and has a serious binge eating disorder - we had a BBQ over the weekend and he ate 6 Quorn burgers, 4 veggie burgers, 2 cheese pasties, a whole apple pie that would easily feed 6 with a bowl of custard, and a 16" pizza covered in a jar of mayonnaise.
We all try and help each other. In all my previous hobbies (Darts, Pool and Chess) they were competitive endeavours and I couldn't handle that you can have acquaintances but when you meet in battle that they'll want to rip your heart out and do anything to win. Music being an endeavour where you only compete to improve yourself means I don't have those same issues, but you do need to meet the right band mates who will be accommodating.
They know to give me space if I am struggling a little bit, they try not to put any last minute changes on me if they can.
Anyway sorry to go on a tangent but my point is perhaps you have a hobby or an interest that could lead you to finding some friends? Is there anything productive that you like to do? Can you play an instrument? Are you any good at pool? Do you like to cook good meals? Do you enjoy reading books? If you have an interest you could always try to find people of similar interests to meet personally.
Meeting people face to face is much harder these days and I dont envy your situation of having friends who are known only online. I have people Ive known and been friends with for 20 years who cannot be bothered to meet up any more because they say they cant afford to, but then spunk £50 on maps for call of duty or go out and get drunk. Or if I offer to see them its on their terms. Nobody wants to sit around and chat any more but if you get that same vibe of people not wanting to talk to you, it's hard but don't take offence because they are probably like that to people who they know.
One last bit of advice - try not to come across so desperate. You don't need to turn to drink or any other vice to overcome these problems. I can't promise to check this forum every day but I will try my best. If you want to message me directly I'm happy to have a chat with you.
Adel