Why do Neurotypicals constantly dumb down Asperger traits?

So, do you have Aspergers? I would be interested in knowing, becuase I do.

Hope, it is not acceptable for NT's to talk like that. Only close-minded bigots do. But I hope you distance yourself from such people. Life is too short to waste your energy with explaining or arguing.

I decided to distance myself from someone close, as she claims i blame my Aspergers on my struggles in life.

this is how they really see autism spectrum variance

In my experience, you either get those who try too hard to empathise or associate with what you are trying to describe, or on the flip side, where their ignorance is such that they say things like 'Their's nothing wrong with you/your child!' etc.

I had a regular visitor to my house some years back, who would repeatedly pass ignorant comments about the children with 'special needs,' she had to deal with in her line of work. According to her, all children who have day release for vocational courses at Secondary level, are 'naughty children.'

Both my boys were on vocational courses at the time, but this had completely alluded her, however, niether have ever been in trouble with the law. Sadly, she was a PCSO!

Later her comments on the disability of others, led me to believe that their was no point in trying to enlighten her. Educating that level of ignorance is an uphill battle i'm afraid, but in view of my experience, the predudice is huge and many are misunderstood or dismissed due to it. Holding a position of power in society, where you'd think they should know better, is not a guarentee either, in fact it appears more prevalent in my experience.

We live in an unjust world.

I mentioned to a few people that I thought I might have Aspergers and they all either ignored what I had said and carried on talking about their stuff, or said "no you don't" then carried on talking about their stuff. 

The friends I have known the longest probably have more traits than me. 

I think comments like that are meant to have good intentions and to show you that your Asperger's doesn't matter to them because they've seen Asperger's traits in someone else that they like and it doesn't bother them. I don't really know because I'm Asperger's too so I could be interpreting it all wrong. I don't think there is enough awareness of autism YET so people only have a limited understanding of what it actually is. 

However everyone on here knows what it's like, including NTs with a relative on the spectrum who are on this site, so we all live it and we're all here for you! :)

Hope said:

people often say things like 'oh, my friend finds social situations tiring after about half an hour', intending to be nice but actually conveying a lack of true understanding.

I think NTs intentions in saying things like this is well meaning and good intentioned. It seems to be common practice to comfort others by giving a sense of shared experience, and it probably does work for NTs.

It does hurt to be told these things when AS is the cause. That's because it isn't part of NT collective experience. There are reasons why these difficulties occur, and being told other people have similar experiences and get over them is irrelevant. They aren't comparing like with like.

But there is a problem with public understanding of autism, and I know I rant on and on about it. One is this convenient notion that it is a continuuum "autistic spectrum" - a nice, even gradient fading into normality. No it isn't.  It has steps, some very big steps. Not least I think social communication difficulties and environmental sensitivity are common to even the mildest forms of AS, and form a very big step.

The other issue is the Triad of Impairments, when used to describe living with AS. It is a diagnostic tool, defining characteristics which cannot so readily be confused with other conditions (but even that is unclear and compromised). But by that definition it doesn't mention a lot of things that affect people day to day. 

Often the things NTs tell you are fairly commonplace aren't actually defined by the Triad of Impairments.

Is anybody surprised? Its the way NAS portrays autism.

Hi,

I get seriously tired,more than most,having people contact, like you,it is such hard work,trying to figure everything out. I think with those people saying that,are trying to relate to you-but the best thing to remember,Is not even n.t's are a people person,not all n.t's possess all the people skills in the world.They are probably just trying to make conversation,and even n.it's can make daft/trite comments. The pressure of the moment to come up with something'possitive'' ends up offending.

I've noticed this too. I think there are a couple of things going on.

Because NTs have that empathy thing, if you say you have/are something they try to find a way that they, or someone they know, are similar to you. They think they are being nice. Probably.

In some circles its almost trendy to be on the spectrum because of tv stuff like Sherlock etc. They want to convince themselves they are like you.

And yes, they really have no awareness of the reality of our lives.

Because they think they understand when they don't.  All they can do is rely on their NT experiences because they haven't enough knowledge of the condition.