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Why do Neurotypicals constantly dumb down Asperger traits?

Hope

Because every single Asperger trait in isolation, from poor eye contact to obsessive interests to social fatigue, can occur in the NT population, people often say things like 'oh, my friend finds social situations tiring after about half an hour',intending to be nice but actually conveying a lack of true understanding. It feels like they are invalidating my experience, which is profoundly more significant than mere social fatigue!. It is like they are trying to say 'just pull yourself together, try harder and  things will be fine', or that 'you are making too much of a fuss, even NTs struggle sometimes with social situations'. Yes, this is true, but really beside the point. It is a bit like saying to someone with ME, 'even people without ME feel really tired and run down sometimes'.

Why is this acceptable when talking about Asperger's?

Parents

  • I think NTs intentions in saying things like this is well meaning and good intentioned. It seems to be common practice to comfort others by giving a sense of shared experience, and it probably does work for NTs.

    It does hurt to be told these things when AS is the cause. That's because it isn't part of NT collective experience. There are reasons why these difficulties occur, and being told other people have similar experiences and get over them is irrelevant. They aren't comparing like with like.

    But there is a problem with public understanding of autism, and I know I rant on and on about it. One is this convenient notion that it is a continuuum "autistic spectrum" - a nice, even gradient fading into normality. No it isn't.  It has steps, some very big steps. Not least I think social communication difficulties and environmental sensitivity are common to even the mildest forms of AS, and form a very big step.

    The other issue is the Triad of Impairments, when used to describe living with AS. It is a diagnostic tool, defining characteristics which cannot so readily be confused with other conditions (but even that is unclear and compromised). But by that definition it doesn't mention a lot of things that affect people day to day. 

    Often the things NTs tell you are fairly commonplace aren't actually defined by the Triad of Impairments.

    Is anybody surprised? Its the way NAS portrays autism.

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  • I think NTs intentions in saying things like this is well meaning and good intentioned. It seems to be common practice to comfort others by giving a sense of shared experience, and it probably does work for NTs.

    It does hurt to be told these things when AS is the cause. That's because it isn't part of NT collective experience. There are reasons why these difficulties occur, and being told other people have similar experiences and get over them is irrelevant. They aren't comparing like with like.

    But there is a problem with public understanding of autism, and I know I rant on and on about it. One is this convenient notion that it is a continuuum "autistic spectrum" - a nice, even gradient fading into normality. No it isn't.  It has steps, some very big steps. Not least I think social communication difficulties and environmental sensitivity are common to even the mildest forms of AS, and form a very big step.

    The other issue is the Triad of Impairments, when used to describe living with AS. It is a diagnostic tool, defining characteristics which cannot so readily be confused with other conditions (but even that is unclear and compromised). But by that definition it doesn't mention a lot of things that affect people day to day. 

    Often the things NTs tell you are fairly commonplace aren't actually defined by the Triad of Impairments.

    Is anybody surprised? Its the way NAS portrays autism.

Children
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