• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 192 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Trying to connect

Take5

Hey everyone 

Just wanted to say hello really… it’s been a long time since I posted on here and just felt the need to. 
I don’t know if I will stay or not and don’t know if I will fit.

I thought I was eventually starting to figure things out since my late diagnosis at age 50. Therapy was going well and been regular there for around 2 years but all or a sudden I have found myself nowhere again. I have lost any enthusiasm I had for anything, My interests are gone and unreachable at this point and I just don’t feel joy about anything anymore. I sometimes wish I had never discovered that I was autistic. The difference now knowing is that I do have an excuse for not socialising which has cut me off from people even more than pre diagnosis…. I honestly don’t know what is worse? My marriage is destroyed which is kind of okay because I wasn’t treated respectfully for being neurodivergent but obviously there is much work to do there for which I have no energy. 
I’m constantly told that I need to get back on the SSRI’s when they only served me very short term. I found after a few years these were extremely difficult to get off with some quite disturbing withdrawals. 
I have tried finding some group meet up sessions locally as I think I am lonely but there is nothing close by as far as I can find. 
For someone who was making good progress with some positive changes I just feel terrible. I have been telling myself that I should never have been assessed or diagnosed and I’m constantly in tears.

I am not expecting anyone to respond to this post, I just needed to put it out as I’m feeling quite desperate with my mental health at the moment.

So hard to be positive 

  • Hi 

    I understand where you are coming from and I got to this point too, it's a really tough place to be, it can really feel like there is no hope and its the end of the world. Ive found I can spiral very quickly without looking at how far I've come and the positives about my life even if they are only small, like connecting on here that's a positive. Ive learned that no feeling is final we have to just keep going and eventually the sun starts to shine again. 

    I think we can lose a lot of things when we are growing, it is sad and difficult but ultimatButterflyy we want to be true to ourselves and live authentically and unfortunately some people want us to remain a caterpillar and not transform into a butterfly.Butterfly  Its tough for us to imagine what it can be like to live authentically, the caterpillar cannot conceive flying but it turns into the most beautiful thing, but it has to go through so much to get there but somewhere in its DNA there is a butterfly. I know I'm waffling but we all deserve to fly!! 

    Wishing you well and take good care of yourself, you matter!!


  • Hi Take5, 


    I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling to cope right now.  I am sure our online community members will have lots of support and input for you.

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you [or anyone else] is at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help.  

    If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/.  

    Other free, confidential support includes: 

    • Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24 hours a day 
    • SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm daily)  
    • Shout – Text 85258, 24 hours a day 
    • Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am-6pm)  

    You may also find this useful :  

    After diagnosis

    Loneliness

    I hope this information is useful.

    Kind Regards

    Suzanne Mod

  • Hello, I was prescribed every type of antidepressant for years to treat depression that was really burnout. I found they just made things worse. Apart from all the side effects like listlessness, weight gain etc they did nothing to address the root of the problem. I found that they made me more depressed because on top of everything else I was struggling to deal with the side effects of the tablets. At best they made me numb for a while and left blank spaces in my memory.

    Obviously I'm not a doctor so this is just my personal opinion but if SSRIs have not worked in the past they are probably not likely to start working. It seems you have identified loneliness as a factor which is very depressing and unfortunately loneliness can only be addressed you you are around the right people 

    Stick with it,  there are lots of clever people in here who I am sure can give you some useful advice. 

  • I'm happy to see you posting again! And I wish your struggle becomes easier soon. I also have moments,  when i regret discovering autism although it happened absolutely accidentally and resulted in a meltdown out of shock at that time. I myself have side effects of SSRI that im still taking and hope to tamper them down soon. I found some outlet here by sharing my creativity. Recently I joined a forum for Astronomy and started a discussion about time, light and dimensions. Nobody answered so far, although there are some views. My penpal wrote me that I'm a deep thinker. So it's possible,  that nobody understands what wrote. Or maybe it's totally wrong. I thought joining in a group for people with common hobby would be easier. Turns out it's not. At least this time I was not "online-diagnosed" with schizophrenia. 

    I hope you find here some connection and support. I myself am waiting for my assessment that comes in 3-4 months. 

  • Hi,

    Sorry to read how your diagnosis has affected you.

    I got mine in Feb 2025 and still trying to work things out. I was happy to get mine as it gave me answers to a lot of things, but at the same time I became scared of things that I never had much of a problem with before diagnosis.(  struggled to meet up with my old workmates for a retirement do) I'd known these people for years then suddenly realised I didn't even know myself, so social events became a bit more of a problem.

    I see from your profile that you're into bikes. I had a lifelong interest,  and used to race mx.  Going to MXoN at Ernee  in October with my old club. Will be first  race trip away since getting diagnosed  so feeling quite apprehensive about it even though I've been there before. 

    If you fancy  chatting about bikes or anything, sometimes it can help when thoughts are on the negative side.