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Trying to connect

Take5

Hey everyone 

Just wanted to say hello really… it’s been a long time since I posted on here and just felt the need to. 
I don’t know if I will stay or not and don’t know if I will fit.

I thought I was eventually starting to figure things out since my late diagnosis at age 50. Therapy was going well and been regular there for around 2 years but all or a sudden I have found myself nowhere again. I have lost any enthusiasm I had for anything, My interests are gone and unreachable at this point and I just don’t feel joy about anything anymore. I sometimes wish I had never discovered that I was autistic. The difference now knowing is that I do have an excuse for not socialising which has cut me off from people even more than pre diagnosis…. I honestly don’t know what is worse? My marriage is destroyed which is kind of okay because I wasn’t treated respectfully for being neurodivergent but obviously there is much work to do there for which I have no energy. 
I’m constantly told that I need to get back on the SSRI’s when they only served me very short term. I found after a few years these were extremely difficult to get off with some quite disturbing withdrawals. 
I have tried finding some group meet up sessions locally as I think I am lonely but there is nothing close by as far as I can find. 
For someone who was making good progress with some positive changes I just feel terrible. I have been telling myself that I should never have been assessed or diagnosed and I’m constantly in tears.

I am not expecting anyone to respond to this post, I just needed to put it out as I’m feeling quite desperate with my mental health at the moment.

So hard to be positive 

Parents

  • Hi 

    I understand where you are coming from and I got to this point too, it's a really tough place to be, it can really feel like there is no hope and its the end of the world. Ive found I can spiral very quickly without looking at how far I've come and the positives about my life even if they are only small, like connecting on here that's a positive. Ive learned that no feeling is final we have to just keep going and eventually the sun starts to shine again. 

    I think we can lose a lot of things when we are growing, it is sad and difficult but ultimatButterflyy we want to be true to ourselves and live authentically and unfortunately some people want us to remain a caterpillar and not transform into a butterfly.Butterfly  Its tough for us to imagine what it can be like to live authentically, the caterpillar cannot conceive flying but it turns into the most beautiful thing, but it has to go through so much to get there but somewhere in its DNA there is a butterfly. I know I'm waffling but we all deserve to fly!! 

    Wishing you well and take good care of yourself, you matter!!


Reply

  • Hi 

    I understand where you are coming from and I got to this point too, it's a really tough place to be, it can really feel like there is no hope and its the end of the world. Ive found I can spiral very quickly without looking at how far I've come and the positives about my life even if they are only small, like connecting on here that's a positive. Ive learned that no feeling is final we have to just keep going and eventually the sun starts to shine again. 

    I think we can lose a lot of things when we are growing, it is sad and difficult but ultimatButterflyy we want to be true to ourselves and live authentically and unfortunately some people want us to remain a caterpillar and not transform into a butterfly.Butterfly  Its tough for us to imagine what it can be like to live authentically, the caterpillar cannot conceive flying but it turns into the most beautiful thing, but it has to go through so much to get there but somewhere in its DNA there is a butterfly. I know I'm waffling but we all deserve to fly!! 

    Wishing you well and take good care of yourself, you matter!!


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