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Trying to connect

Take5

Hey everyone 

Just wanted to say hello really… it’s been a long time since I posted on here and just felt the need to. 
I don’t know if I will stay or not and don’t know if I will fit.

I thought I was eventually starting to figure things out since my late diagnosis at age 50. Therapy was going well and been regular there for around 2 years but all or a sudden I have found myself nowhere again. I have lost any enthusiasm I had for anything, My interests are gone and unreachable at this point and I just don’t feel joy about anything anymore. I sometimes wish I had never discovered that I was autistic. The difference now knowing is that I do have an excuse for not socialising which has cut me off from people even more than pre diagnosis…. I honestly don’t know what is worse? My marriage is destroyed which is kind of okay because I wasn’t treated respectfully for being neurodivergent but obviously there is much work to do there for which I have no energy. 
I’m constantly told that I need to get back on the SSRI’s when they only served me very short term. I found after a few years these were extremely difficult to get off with some quite disturbing withdrawals. 
I have tried finding some group meet up sessions locally as I think I am lonely but there is nothing close by as far as I can find. 
For someone who was making good progress with some positive changes I just feel terrible. I have been telling myself that I should never have been assessed or diagnosed and I’m constantly in tears.

I am not expecting anyone to respond to this post, I just needed to put it out as I’m feeling quite desperate with my mental health at the moment.

So hard to be positive 

Parents

  • I'm happy to see you posting again! And I wish your struggle becomes easier soon. I also have moments,  when i regret discovering autism although it happened absolutely accidentally and resulted in a meltdown out of shock at that time. I myself have side effects of SSRI that im still taking and hope to tamper them down soon. I found some outlet here by sharing my creativity. Recently I joined a forum for Astronomy and started a discussion about time, light and dimensions. Nobody answered so far, although there are some views. My penpal wrote me that I'm a deep thinker. So it's possible,  that nobody understands what wrote. Or maybe it's totally wrong. I thought joining in a group for people with common hobby would be easier. Turns out it's not. At least this time I was not "online-diagnosed" with schizophrenia. 

    I hope you find here some connection and support. I myself am waiting for my assessment that comes in 3-4 months. 

Reply

  • I'm happy to see you posting again! And I wish your struggle becomes easier soon. I also have moments,  when i regret discovering autism although it happened absolutely accidentally and resulted in a meltdown out of shock at that time. I myself have side effects of SSRI that im still taking and hope to tamper them down soon. I found some outlet here by sharing my creativity. Recently I joined a forum for Astronomy and started a discussion about time, light and dimensions. Nobody answered so far, although there are some views. My penpal wrote me that I'm a deep thinker. So it's possible,  that nobody understands what wrote. Or maybe it's totally wrong. I thought joining in a group for people with common hobby would be easier. Turns out it's not. At least this time I was not "online-diagnosed" with schizophrenia. 

    I hope you find here some connection and support. I myself am waiting for my assessment that comes in 3-4 months. 

Children
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