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Being easily manipulated

RohannT91

Hello, this is my first time posting on here, hope everyone is well. 

I am a 34 year old man with AuDHD. I am really struggling at the moment with a lot of things but a big thing I've realised is that I have been being manipulated, used and exploited by people I thought were 'friends'.

One of them used me for almost 2 years until somebody else recognised it and put a stop to it about 6 months ago. I had done so many favours, spent so much money, been drawn into so much drama, had so much responsibility put on me that I completely isolated myself from anyone and anything else.

Over the past few months, having reflected on the situation and spoken to people, I realised I was scared of her, unable to set boundaries and thought that it was how friendship was. 

Then the past week I have stupidly been drawn into a situation that has now really made me realise just how easily manipulated and vulnerable I am when it comes to others, because I've stupidly sent over £150 to someone I've never met who I now know was only pretending to be my friend and was coercing me, guilt tripping me and trying to bribe me. 

I've had to contact my bank, PayPal and a company he had me buy cards from today and I'm so ashamed. There isn't much they can do and my bank have blocked my card and sent a new one - and also marked me as vulnerable... But I just feel so stupid as I didn't even have that money to give, it was out of my overdraft. 

Sorry for the rant, just I can't tell anyone else in my life because they'll be angry at my stupidity. 

  • I used to deal with people pretending to be my friends to take advantage of me back when I was a kid. I feel really stupid about it now

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    So hard isn't it. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Yeh I know a guy who was scammed out of his life savings and lost everything he had built for his future over 1 phone scam! :(

    I have had the same therapist for 10 years for a variety of reasons and he's awesome, he helped me through the last issue when I told him but I haven't been able to see him since before Christmas as he isn't NHS and I can't afford it at the moment.

    I've been looking it up myself since though, especially in relation to ND's to try and understand what happens and how to prevent it. Hopefully gaining some understanding (and the support here) will help me to avoid it in the future 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you for reading and responding :) I think I'm beating myself up more this time because I feel like I should have spotted the warning signs having experienced this before if that makes sense...

    But as you say, it's not always easy to spot and when I look back on it (which I am able to do a little calmer now) the methods were quite different. One was long term drawing me in, building up the manipulation slowly and exploiting me over time - and it was an in-person friendship where I ended up with them every day completely consumed by their life. 

    But this time it was sudden and he was intense and he was constantly asking - even ringing me at 3/4am so it was a different kind of pressure.

    I've definitely learnt that I find it hard to say no and need to work on that, and if a friendship requires money (Especially as I struggle for money) then being pressured for it is a huge red flag.

    It does make you realise how vulnerable you can be and does kind of freak you out a bit wondering whether you could be more vulnerable in other areas of your life than you thought   

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply and I'm sorry you have experienced this too. I would say you have definitely given me advice not to beat myself up! Though it's hard not to. Sending solidarity to you

  • I also have a history of being exploited by someone who I trusted. It's hard, you are not stupid, don't beat yourself up. I also understand how hard it is to confess such an experience to a family member or friend. As I'm myself vulnerable it's hard for me to give any useful advice. I can only say, I relate.

  • If it didn't work there wouldn't be any conmen/women.

    It is not always easy to spot. This is what they rely on. Some are malicious, sone just opportunistic or think there aren't really doing anything wrong thinking it is the other person's fault.

    Don't beat yourself up. Wanting to help is a good thing. Others exploiting this says more about them. You are probably judging yourself more harshly than others.

    The important thing is to learn from it and see how you could avoid it in future. Don't be scared to say no. Any real is not going to stop talking to you if you can't lend them money. If people put pressure on you, think carefully.

    I know when dysregulated or overloaded it is hard to think clearly though.

    But being manipulated is something I worry about.

  • Navigating friendships is really really difficult, we want to believe the best in people, but somehow manage to attract the worst of people.

    Maybe you could go to a therapist and work on this issue? How can you learn to recognise when someones scamming you, how to say no etc?

    So many people are or have been in your situation, many of them NT's its not just us ND's, some people have lost everything, you're not alone and everybody who is or has been in your situation will be feeling the same as you.

    You've told us and thats a big start.