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Being easily manipulated

RohannT91

Hello, this is my first time posting on here, hope everyone is well. 

I am a 34 year old man with AuDHD. I am really struggling at the moment with a lot of things but a big thing I've realised is that I have been being manipulated, used and exploited by people I thought were 'friends'.

One of them used me for almost 2 years until somebody else recognised it and put a stop to it about 6 months ago. I had done so many favours, spent so much money, been drawn into so much drama, had so much responsibility put on me that I completely isolated myself from anyone and anything else.

Over the past few months, having reflected on the situation and spoken to people, I realised I was scared of her, unable to set boundaries and thought that it was how friendship was. 

Then the past week I have stupidly been drawn into a situation that has now really made me realise just how easily manipulated and vulnerable I am when it comes to others, because I've stupidly sent over £150 to someone I've never met who I now know was only pretending to be my friend and was coercing me, guilt tripping me and trying to bribe me. 

I've had to contact my bank, PayPal and a company he had me buy cards from today and I'm so ashamed. There isn't much they can do and my bank have blocked my card and sent a new one - and also marked me as vulnerable... But I just feel so stupid as I didn't even have that money to give, it was out of my overdraft. 

Sorry for the rant, just I can't tell anyone else in my life because they'll be angry at my stupidity. 

Parents

  • This may be controversial, but be careful with charities, particularly when collecting in the street or on the doorstep.

    They can use paid 3rd parties to help raise funds. The 3rd party keeps a proportion of the money. They can use pressure selling, but also use emotive language and pictures to trigger your empathy.

    My advice is don't sign anything or do a direct debit, or give money other than a pound if you want. If you really like it get details and think about it for a few days. You can give online, or by post, if you want to later. It takes away the pressure and you can decide in your own time. You aren't saying no, just that you want to think about it. This should make it easier.

Reply

  • This may be controversial, but be careful with charities, particularly when collecting in the street or on the doorstep.

    They can use paid 3rd parties to help raise funds. The 3rd party keeps a proportion of the money. They can use pressure selling, but also use emotive language and pictures to trigger your empathy.

    My advice is don't sign anything or do a direct debit, or give money other than a pound if you want. If you really like it get details and think about it for a few days. You can give online, or by post, if you want to later. It takes away the pressure and you can decide in your own time. You aren't saying no, just that you want to think about it. This should make it easier.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333
    Stuart333 said:
    This may be controversial, but be careful with charities, particularly when collecting in the street or on the doorstep.

    I agree with that. 

    Also, I haven’t put money in shop charity boxes for years ever since I heard of money going missing from a box. A man I know who owns a business had a Poppy Day charity box in which he put several large denomination bank notes. The box was collected from the business by the charity and he was given a receipt which was for less than the amount he alone had put in, never mind the money from other customers. 

    I have a few charities that I give to but I always donate online.