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To what extent do you feel people care when you tell them you have ASD?

pietro_21

What I mean is that I have had quite mixed responses. In different contexts. I am not sure to the general public pupoluation whether it means much the same, or as it did to me before I knew I was autistic. By 'care' I mean when people genuinely seem to want to understand how that is, feels, or try to empathise with you.

I'm not sure what kind of resonse I am looking for when I tell people. Or if I should expect anything at all.It seems like public understanding is a massive issue, or the ways autism is understood varies greatly from person to person. 

Sorry if this is triggering to anyone. I am interested to know this not so much of your experience of telling close family members, more outer circles and aquaintances.

I may rephrase this question. But keep a record of the original in the description.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    As with so many situations, it is more complicated than a sentence in a forum post can describe. I believe the issue is my wife tried to change things about me, but the diagnosis showed that many of these things will never change because they are part of being autistic. Hence, she rejects understanding, saying that is not her fault I have a problem! 

  • in reply to Old_Guy

    Because she has always known you as the same you. This is sometimes the issue I have other than carrying on as before, some days I can feel like the other person is separated behind plate glass. So it requires a level or recall or skill to reach them. They see you when you are trying and working through things. That is who you are.

    Maybe in the future they will have a better way of giving late diagnosis, I described it to someone last week as like being on a cliff edge.

  • in reply to Geeky Gothic Guy

    I still haven't told my dad, my mum knows. I didn't want him to know at his time in life. Also most people I meet or see walking down the street will never know, other than wondering why I seem so distressed at times. 

  • I generally don’t tell people, it’s nobody’s business. I might bring it up if I need to, but generally it’s not very often. To have Autism or ADHD has unfortunately become a sort of trend on social media, and I don’t want people to think I’m jumping on that trend, even though I’m officially diagnosed. For that reason I just don’t really say anything.
    Those that I have told, I didn’t make a big deal out of it, if the conversation steered towards mental health etc, then it’s kinda like “yeah I got diagnosed with autism a few years back” and leave it at that. Most people honestly don’t care, because it’s not about them. Plus, every other person seems to be neurodivergent now, or knows somebody who is so it’s kinda normal ironically. 

  • in reply to pietro_21

    The difficult thing for me is that my wife who initially suggested I might be autistic, and who says she is pleased for me that I have a diagnosis, does not/cannot understand what it means for me and how my autistic brain deals with intimate relationships. 

  • in reply to Old_Guy

    Congratulations on your diagnosis. I actually spend quite a lot of time defending neurodiverse people, less telling people, so maybe that is coming out of myself in some ways.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    It's almost like our understanding and assumptions/vocabulary about what people should do or say are all based on past knowledge. When newer information is available and not reaching people? 

  • For me so far (just 2 months after diagnosis) it is a matter of masking of not masking. With people I would like to reduce masking with, it is important they know because my behaviour may change to one extent or another as I stop trying to be NT. With most people I will maintain my mask, so I would not be telling them — unless there is some overriding need. 

    So far, I have only told one couple who are close friends, and one other person. Both have taken the time to ask me questions to help them understand. They have also accepted it without change towards me. I take this as a positive. I know I am a bit more relaxed with them and feel I can lower my mask a bit. 

  • I've never really found people know what to say to be honest. I'm not very good at telling people.