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To what extent do you feel people care when you tell them you have ASD?

pietro_21

What I mean is that I have had quite mixed responses. In different contexts. I am not sure to the general public pupoluation whether it means much the same, or as it did to me before I knew I was autistic. By 'care' I mean when people genuinely seem to want to understand how that is, feels, or try to empathise with you.

I'm not sure what kind of resonse I am looking for when I tell people. Or if I should expect anything at all.It seems like public understanding is a massive issue, or the ways autism is understood varies greatly from person to person. 

Sorry if this is triggering to anyone. I am interested to know this not so much of your experience of telling close family members, more outer circles and aquaintances.

I may rephrase this question. But keep a record of the original in the description.

Parents

  • I think there are a few considerations here, at least how I see it. For people that aren't close to you, it's hard for them to get their head around - it's cognatively expensive for them to consider and understand, so they need a reason to put the effort in to do that. It's confusing for us (or me at least), and we have direct access to the "source material" - so it's understandable to me that others struggle to understand.

    For people that are close, I think the relationship dynamic at the time of confiding this in them comes into it. I've only told two people myself since my diagnosis in Jan this year. One friend put the effort in to understand. Let's just say the other one is a "work in progress" Slight smile

Reply

  • I think there are a few considerations here, at least how I see it. For people that aren't close to you, it's hard for them to get their head around - it's cognatively expensive for them to consider and understand, so they need a reason to put the effort in to do that. It's confusing for us (or me at least), and we have direct access to the "source material" - so it's understandable to me that others struggle to understand.

    For people that are close, I think the relationship dynamic at the time of confiding this in them comes into it. I've only told two people myself since my diagnosis in Jan this year. One friend put the effort in to understand. Let's just say the other one is a "work in progress" Slight smile

Children
  • in reply to Fizzler
    Fizzler said:
    it's cognatively expensive for them to consider and understand, so they need a reason to put the effort in

    Thank you @Fizzler, that perspective has helped me understand my own situation. I guess the person concerned doesn't have a reason to put in the effort — sad but true

  • in reply to Fizzler

    Yes, those closer relationships are the ones which need to be maintained, so you don't have to adapt from anything you were previously to them really. For me imagination, compartmentalising things in new ways is cognitively taxing so I rarely do it for anyone in real life. Work maybe, but I am typically looking at how I can complete the tasks, rather than can I complete this persons expectations by pleasing them. Those gifts are not free as I am the one stretching towards you, never the other way around. People who make the genuine effort can see a totally different side in nds. Its just that the disingenuous ones can't hide.

    Same. I have told professionals and those working with autism charities. Really its just my mum, sibling and a friend who know. Although I don't mind other people knowing, even through them. These are the people whose discretion I value the most.