Struggling at work

its very good you've got a lovley manger, I think the thing is even forgetting the one person who says rude things, the most important thing is you don't jell with your current role.

its looking for a unicorn these days but working somewhere you dont mind the work is the big foundation to look for

I think your friend right tbh, its good your doing well within the job, and you have a good boss, but if you've dont feel like you fit, and you have been doing it for some time, and it hasn't really felt natural the is nothing wrong with going back to the place you had some success as long as it feels like you feel regulated there, thats what I would be looking for in a job.

the question I have is will you still be able to progress with your career in the long run, can you move to this second position and still move forward?

and lastly about that guy, all the Bitter people I have met I can see clearly in their upbringing and home lives why they are so bitter, so dont worry about them, let them live their little lives they dont like themselves and that is a punishment they suffer for their choices, and the important thing is not revenge but live the life that will bring you contentness.

 My manager is lovely I've know and gotten on with her and senior team for years. While the comments made by this colleague have absolutely been the thing to bring it to my attention the job isn't really well suited to my needs at all. I've been struggling since I've started and as my best friend has pointed out I've never had a single 'good' week since I started despite being very comfortable and settled in a student role in a different area. I've found out since starting the area has a reputation for being difficult and multiple others have left for similar reasons. I've decided to discuss this with the education lead who supports new starters. I work in healthcare and staff move between areas fairly often. It would be possible for me to move back to the area I was very comfortable in as a student without having to do the entire job hunt thing again if a role were available. It feels a bit like letting them win but my happiness isnt worth their approval.citroen71 

FireflyPrincess said:

Recently when discussing this with the person and a supportive team leader the person said something incredibly hurtful and told me that I need to toughen up because they are like that with everyone and can't be expected to change for me. 

This is a tricky on as you have on one hand your request for the person to be nicer to you but on the other the persons right to their behaviour as well which can be considered a "realists" behaviour rather than bullying. It all depends on who is interpriting it.

Your team leader is the one who should be addressing this so have a talk with them and ask their opinion. If they won't support your request to make the other person change their approach then you probably have to learn to ignore it or leave.

FireflyPrincess said:

I'm still new and learning and don't tend to respond well to harsh overly sarcastic feedback and jokes along the lines of 'have you finally done something righ

The teasing of new recruits is an age old tradition an is used in social situations to see if you are on a compatible wavelength as the rest of the team and can take / return the jokes. 

Do you think you have an issue of seeing these as attacks rather than jokes or do you not like the fact that you are the one the jokes are for? The answe to this may help identify the most effective way to live with it.

hey dont be hard on yourself its not a silly choice to follow your dreams its very human ive done it to and been in a similar situation.

its hard to give complete advice because I dont know the little details and context needed but feel free to let me know, my question is how is the atmosphere , this can be hard to read for us but I do think initial gut impressions are usually correct, and then if we really want something we try to change our feelings to hide what we dont want to see( im not saying this is what you are doing right now I dont have enough context but its very human to do it).

how many people are in your team and how many of them do you get along with, now within that group of non mangers, the people with the control of the group are they supportive towards you or hostile.

how is your manger are they someone who will back you or just doesn't really seam to care?

ultimately joining a new job will defiantly be hard, your doing good, time can help it could just be settling in at the moment just keep a close eye on how you feel, and if you feel like your shrinking as a person have a exit strategy, just so you have some agancy over your life, 

I agree with citroen71 , this doesn’t sound like a place that supports accessibility and equity (neurodiversity included), even though some people “may be like that” (which is bad enough), addressing this with a trusted superior should have given you some backup and not put you in the position to involuntary reveal your autism. I would have absolutely struggled with comments like that too - what are you supposed to say to this?? I hate banter and don’t think it’s in any way funny (not saying your case was banter, it may well be bullying)

It’s hard though and I can see why you (prefer to be) in denial about this, I assume you invested in this job and had great hopes for it being your dream job. Is there a possibility that things may quiet down with some time? Or could you change the team? If not, you could perhaps look for something else alongside working there and then make the move. I am so sorry this happened to you!

Try to keep things in perspective.

You like most of the team. You like the job. You have support from most of the people. It takes time to learn any new job, and you are making progress. You have a team leader that is happy and supportive.

One person has made sone comments. They are being defensive and saying it just how they are. They now know the situation.

I would stick with it. All places have people you get on with and some you don't.

It may be hard, but try to ignore what this one person has said and think of the good things from the others.

Once you are settled in they may not be so bad. It is partly because you are stressed that it seems hard.

Otherwise just try to be professional and minimise interactions. 

 citroen71 It's so tricky I was sure it was my dream job and was absolutely the better of the choices I had at the time. Thank you for your honesty part of me is very aware of this but I guess I didn't want to be right.

Just from the get go that place sounds toxic and it doesn’t sound like it will trend well in the long term,I know because being autistic it can make us more sensitive but it doesn’t mean it’s okay

that job sounds like a red flag and id keep looking for another, i know thats easier said than done but if that’s what its like at the beginning it wont get better just from my experience .

the most important thing is dont lose your senses of self and just keep looking for somewhere else