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Struggling at work

FireflyPrincess

Is anyone else having a really hard time at work? I've started a new job and I absolutely love most of the team and the actual job but I'm really struggling with some members of the team. 

I'm still new and learning and don't tend to respond well to harsh overly sarcastic feedback and jokes along the lines of 'have you finally done something right'. I do absolutely want to learn and want to be told how to improve but the tone certain team members use has really upset me on multiple occasions. 

Recently when discussing this with the person and a supportive team leader the person said something incredibly hurtful and told me that I need to toughen up because they are like that with everyone and can't be expected to change for me. 

I really hate the that's just what they are like thing. It doesn't mean it's okay. My (also autistic) best friend says it's bullying and I need to raise this to my manager (who is aware as they've been informed of this previously). I hate to think I'm causing problems for them and I just don't feel like it would go anywhere. The more supportive team members are already aware I am autistic and now this person is too but I really felt like I was forced to disclose this while not being entirely comfortable. It just feels like such a mess and I'm going to have this problem anywhere I go.

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  • Just from the get go that place sounds toxic and it doesn’t sound like it will trend well in the long term,I know because being autistic it can make us more sensitive but it doesn’t mean it’s okay

    that job sounds like a red flag and id keep looking for another, i know thats easier said than done but if that’s what its like at the beginning it wont get better just from my experience .

    the most important thing is dont lose your senses of self and just keep looking for somewhere else 

  • in reply to citroen71

    I agree with  , this doesn’t sound like a place that supports accessibility and equity (neurodiversity included), even though some people “may be like that” (which is bad enough), addressing this with a trusted superior should have given you some backup and not put you in the position to involuntary reveal your autism. I would have absolutely struggled with comments like that too - what are you supposed to say to this?? I hate banter and don’t think it’s in any way funny (not saying your case was banter, it may well be bullying)

    It’s hard though and I can see why you (prefer to be) in denial about this, I assume you invested in this job and had great hopes for it being your dream job. Is there a possibility that things may quiet down with some time? Or could you change the team? If not, you could perhaps look for something else alongside working there and then make the move. I am so sorry this happened to you!

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  • in reply to citroen71

    I agree with  , this doesn’t sound like a place that supports accessibility and equity (neurodiversity included), even though some people “may be like that” (which is bad enough), addressing this with a trusted superior should have given you some backup and not put you in the position to involuntary reveal your autism. I would have absolutely struggled with comments like that too - what are you supposed to say to this?? I hate banter and don’t think it’s in any way funny (not saying your case was banter, it may well be bullying)

    It’s hard though and I can see why you (prefer to be) in denial about this, I assume you invested in this job and had great hopes for it being your dream job. Is there a possibility that things may quiet down with some time? Or could you change the team? If not, you could perhaps look for something else alongside working there and then make the move. I am so sorry this happened to you!

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