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Struggling at work

FireflyPrincess

Is anyone else having a really hard time at work? I've started a new job and I absolutely love most of the team and the actual job but I'm really struggling with some members of the team. 

I'm still new and learning and don't tend to respond well to harsh overly sarcastic feedback and jokes along the lines of 'have you finally done something right'. I do absolutely want to learn and want to be told how to improve but the tone certain team members use has really upset me on multiple occasions. 

Recently when discussing this with the person and a supportive team leader the person said something incredibly hurtful and told me that I need to toughen up because they are like that with everyone and can't be expected to change for me. 

I really hate the that's just what they are like thing. It doesn't mean it's okay. My (also autistic) best friend says it's bullying and I need to raise this to my manager (who is aware as they've been informed of this previously). I hate to think I'm causing problems for them and I just don't feel like it would go anywhere. The more supportive team members are already aware I am autistic and now this person is too but I really felt like I was forced to disclose this while not being entirely comfortable. It just feels like such a mess and I'm going to have this problem anywhere I go.

Parents

  • Just from the get go that place sounds toxic and it doesn’t sound like it will trend well in the long term,I know because being autistic it can make us more sensitive but it doesn’t mean it’s okay

    that job sounds like a red flag and id keep looking for another, i know thats easier said than done but if that’s what its like at the beginning it wont get better just from my experience .

    the most important thing is dont lose your senses of self and just keep looking for somewhere else 

  • in reply to citroen71

      It's so tricky I was sure it was my dream job and was absolutely the better of the choices I had at the time. Thank you for your honesty part of me is very aware of this but I guess I didn't want to be right.

  • in reply to FireflyPrincess

    hey dont be hard on yourself its not a silly choice to follow your dreams its very human ive done it to and been in a similar situation.

    its hard to give complete advice because I dont know the little details and context needed but feel free to let me know, my question is how is the atmosphere , this can be hard to read for us but I do think initial gut impressions are usually correct, and then if we really want something we try to change our feelings to hide what we dont want to see( im not saying this is what you are doing right now I dont have enough context but its very human to do it).

    how many people are in your team and how many of them do you get along with, now within that group of non mangers, the people with the control of the group are they supportive towards you or hostile.

    how is your manger are they someone who will back you or just doesn't really seam to care?

    ultimately joining a new job will defiantly be hard, your doing good, time can help it could just be settling in at the moment just keep a close eye on how you feel, and if you feel like your shrinking as a person have a exit strategy, just so you have some agancy over your life, 

  • in reply to FireflyPrincess

    its very good you've got a lovley manger, I think the thing is even forgetting the one person who says rude things, the most important thing is you don't jell with your current role.

    its looking for a unicorn these days but working somewhere you dont mind the work is the big foundation to look for

    I think your friend right tbh, its good your doing well within the job, and you have a good boss, but if you've dont feel like you fit, and you have been doing it for some time, and it hasn't really felt natural the is nothing wrong with going back to the place you had some success as long as it feels like you feel regulated there, thats what I would be looking for in a job.

    the question I have is will you still be able to progress with your career in the long run, can you move to this second position and still move forward?

    and lastly about that guy, all the Bitter people I have met I can see clearly in their upbringing and home lives why they are so bitter, so dont worry about them, let them live their little lives they dont like themselves and that is a punishment they suffer for their choices, and the important thing is not revenge but live the life that will bring you contentness.

  • in reply to citroen71

     My manager is lovely I've know and gotten on with her and senior team for years. While the comments made by this colleague have absolutely been the thing to bring it to my attention the job isn't really well suited to my needs at all. I've been struggling since I've started and as my best friend has pointed out I've never had a single 'good' week since I started despite being very comfortable and settled in a student role in a different area. I've found out since starting the area has a reputation for being difficult and multiple others have left for similar reasons. I've decided to discuss this with the education lead who supports new starters. I work in healthcare and staff move between areas fairly often. It would be possible for me to move back to the area I was very comfortable in as a student without having to do the entire job hunt thing again if a role were available. It feels a bit like letting them win but my happiness isnt worth their approval. 

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  • in reply to citroen71

     My manager is lovely I've know and gotten on with her and senior team for years. While the comments made by this colleague have absolutely been the thing to bring it to my attention the job isn't really well suited to my needs at all. I've been struggling since I've started and as my best friend has pointed out I've never had a single 'good' week since I started despite being very comfortable and settled in a student role in a different area. I've found out since starting the area has a reputation for being difficult and multiple others have left for similar reasons. I've decided to discuss this with the education lead who supports new starters. I work in healthcare and staff move between areas fairly often. It would be possible for me to move back to the area I was very comfortable in as a student without having to do the entire job hunt thing again if a role were available. It feels a bit like letting them win but my happiness isnt worth their approval. 

Children
  • in reply to FireflyPrincess

    its very good you've got a lovley manger, I think the thing is even forgetting the one person who says rude things, the most important thing is you don't jell with your current role.

    its looking for a unicorn these days but working somewhere you dont mind the work is the big foundation to look for

    I think your friend right tbh, its good your doing well within the job, and you have a good boss, but if you've dont feel like you fit, and you have been doing it for some time, and it hasn't really felt natural the is nothing wrong with going back to the place you had some success as long as it feels like you feel regulated there, thats what I would be looking for in a job.

    the question I have is will you still be able to progress with your career in the long run, can you move to this second position and still move forward?

    and lastly about that guy, all the Bitter people I have met I can see clearly in their upbringing and home lives why they are so bitter, so dont worry about them, let them live their little lives they dont like themselves and that is a punishment they suffer for their choices, and the important thing is not revenge but live the life that will bring you contentness.