Really struggling at the moment

Say the police are useless, not even sure if video evidence would be good enough for them. I mean one time my cousin had his car stolen and he had video evidence but the police didn’t even care or do anything about it. 

I am very tempted to move out but it’s convincing my parents to help me with all the legal stuff and moving is a very stressful process. I’d also worry I’d just have the same issues in a new place, I mean I moved from one lot of bullies to another, don’t know what is wrong with me ugh.

Maybe try the CAB first?

The government are setting up task forces to deal with threats and violence against women and girls, this probably won't help you much as the main thing that has to change is the attitudes of the police themselves.

Maybe have a look online and see what possiblities there are out there for moving, what you can get for your budget and where. 

I’ve considered moving again as I am really unable to cope now and the fact they are being noisy of a night and stopping me from sleeping, it’s not doing my mental or physical health good. I mean they are literally making my flat shake and not even music can drown that out. It’s just the faff of moving and finding another place to settle, plus I could end up with just as bad neighbours. I mean if I moved back to my parents house I’d have to put up with the bulling of their neighbours, that’s the reason why I moved really. 

I have a tapo video doorbell now so that automatically records and sends me videos when motion has been detected, just annoyingly I have a habit of deleting things in one ago and I was in such a mood yesterday that I deleted my evidence out of habit as I wasn’t thinking straight! Sod’s Law!! They noticed the doorbell yesterday but I’m worried they will get me some for spying or something. I mean I have answers to answer back but I will no doubt become a nervous wreck if they were to take action against me for my own security. I mean they keep leaving the main doors open at night and random people just come in but when I open my door those random people rush out. I mean right now they have stuff just lying in the main hallway and won’t tidy up. 

If I do take legal action and that fails then I will move, just the hassle of all the lawyers and that but I am thinking of looking at other places to live in. 

I think my problem and worry is that the negative emotions never seem to pass or if they do, more negatives come so it’s a vicious circle and then that leads to burn out. It’s just much worse of a night though when I’m trying to sleep but I guess that’s with doing things to distract me through the day. 

I’m sure there is a heightened sense of time and emotions to contend with. The main thing is not to suppress negative emotions . It took me a long time to learn this. I am male but hugely sensitive to minute external changes. So I have learned to accept they will always happen and sometimes I need to wear armour.

I'm so sorry this is still happening, I think you need to go to a solicitor and get some kind of restraining order on them, all of them, maybe get on to social services too, it sounds as though the grandparents are being dumped on by the parents and can't cope.

I must admit if it were me, I would of moved by now, it such a shame you love your home and your independence, but seriously is it worth this amount of aggravation? Like I say it would of done my head in to the point where I'd be seriously thinking about putting the place on the market and finding somewhere else. 

Well let’s just say this, being a woman doesn’t help that’s for sure. For me I only seem to get like a week where I feel I’m able to not be as bothered but it’s very rare if I get that week or even a few days of rest. 

Ignoring it is far worse. You are not igoring it, youre accepting it exactly as it is. Its always going to be there. You can't really vent it because it may come back stronger. My sense is that these things are periodic and come in cycles although there may be small triggers. The times it comes out of nowhere in a cycle can be more serious - so its better to prepare for this (mainly by cutting unnecessary commitments and burdens, or putting yourself in energy expending social situations). 

Wow I never really thought of it that way. I think the thing with me is that the more I try and ignore the stress or anger, the worse I tend to feel, like my brain tells me I need to get the stress and anger out of my system. Though I should look into healthier way of getting rid of that anger and stress, but then my brain tells me I should get the anger and stress out my screaming, crying, swearing etc as the healthier ways of getting rid don’t get rid but just conceal the anger and stress until another trigger. Hope that makes sense

Sometimes I just wear stress rather than let myself feel it. You can really avoid it it’s how/if you let it affect you. When I am nervous I know that is when I need to go out or do something creative because that nervousness can also be an energy you learn to enjoy.

Hiya Loz! Thank you for getting back to me! I love my home and that but ugh the neighbours think they own me when they don’t.

I tend to talk about this with my mum and she said she is willing to complain to them on my behalf but I had no proof of that at the time hence I got the video doorbell. I’ve been looking into a camera to put in my window as well but not sure if that will arrive before Christmas! I just hope they won’t be here for Christmas or I am going to suffer. All day today one of my windows has been target practice. 

The parents and grandparents seem to think their kids are the world’s best and we should all bow down to them and if we don’t look the way they want, they will bully or cry. But the fact they are throwing toys and footballs at mine and in the main hallways shouldn’t be allowed. I just don’t understand why they can’t teach the kids right from wrong? There again being nice to people is wrong according to them no doubt. 

I will definitely report this if this carries on as it’s unacceptable behaviour! My worry is that people will go against me and not forgive them for being kids, but in my opinion that shouldn’t excuse behaviour like that. When I was little and I was naughty or something I’d get told off. If I cried I’d be taken somewhere quiet. These guys are the complete opposite! 

Hi  !

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, your home should be a place of sanctuary. You have done nothing to deserve their treatment. I really hope you find some comfort soon.

I cannot believe their grandparents and parents are so irresponsible and not teaching them this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. 

You are doing the right thing by documenting what is happening and reaching out, even if it is a rant! 

Do you have someone you can talk to about this? A friend or family member? 

Maybe report them to the local council or housing authority if you feel ready. 

Loz

The uk police are like chocolate teapots (useless) where I live but I do have video evidence of some of this so if it gets much I can always take legal action if needed. I mean though I’m a flat owner, I don’t own the building so I guess I could contact the company who owns the building and show my proof of what I have to put up with. I am very tempted with the spikes though! I mean it’s my property and they shouldn’t be messing with it. 

I'm sorry that all this happens to you. Some people are awful. Is there any way that you could record it and report? I don't know if it would help, in my country it does not, but maybe in yours they work better? The idea from @lain with Spikes seems also good. 

That is a very good idea actually! I mean surely I’m allowed to defend myself and my property right? Only thing is I have a wooden door with a few wavy patterns on but who knows. I am tempted to get those tacs though.

But for now I will get another window camera as today they used my windows as target practice as well again! 

I also don’t understand why people have to be so horrible! Like they use my windows and door as their target practice. If this carries on I will be taking legal action as I have a right to defend myself and my property and they have no right to be doing what they do. I mean today the oldest grandson who has a tantrum at the sight of me (they all do though) and one of the grandads were kicking a football up and down the stairs (which my door is right next to) and my door got kicked. I ended up using an abrupt quick response via the doorbell to make them jump and they scuffled off then. 

I would be tempted to stick some small, sharp spikes onto the door so that if they kick the ball against it then it will puncture it.

Nothing dangerous - 1cm long tacks should do the trick. Paint them the same colour as the door and it won't be obvious they are there.

Then when the ball slowly deflates then they probably won't realise where it was punctured and will eventually give up and go indoors to torment their parents instead.

Kicking a ball at the door is just nasty and mean. I really can't understand why people are like this, having been on the recieving end myself plenty of times. 

And yeah, there are horrible people everywhere. At least it's mainly the grandparent, at some point the kids will grow out of kicking balls at anything, so maybe it's a waiting game?

In the mean time, I think I would just concentrate on doing things to elevate your stress. Maybe have a tally chart, and when you feel upset by them, mark it off, then when you have enough, get yourself something as you deserve it! Maybe it would take the edge off it?

Aww thank you so much for replying. Oh they are right old bullies these neighbours. From what I have gathered it’s the nan who lives in the flat itself and the grandkids seem to come of a weekend or after school/nursery and it’s like practically every day I have to suffer with this. The fact that the grandparents and even parents don’t tell them off or teach them right from wrong is really bad in my opinion, like they all think we should bow down to them. 

I have a tapo camera doorbell at my front door in the hallway which records any motion and also has the date and time on the recording as well so I have got evidence if I have to take legal action. Annoyingly the video couldn’t detect the football getting kicked against my door or my doormat being kicked so I may need to move my doorbell so that’s easy enough I guess. Just fed up of all the rude gestures and nasty words and faces I get in the videos. It’s really gets to me. 

I actually not long moved into my flat and the reason why I moved was because I was getting bullied by the neighbours next door and opposite me! 

As for noise, I sometimes put the radio or something on in the hallway but more often or not I just have my tv on louder and play my games to drown them out. But of course when they bang and slam their door it causes my flat to vibrate as well! 

That sounds a great idea with a dart board. Id probably just print one off and throw paper at it! 

So sorry  , that honestly sounds like a nightmare scenario. They sound like the most base level bullies, who take joy in the suffering of others. 

Do you keep a journal of all the incidents? It might be worthwhile in case you get to the point of reporting it, so there is a record you can refer back to. At the very least it gives some power back to you. 

Does anything work to help with the noise? Annoyingly a lot of noise cancelling stuff let's in human voices, and playing music doesn't help when you need a bit of quiet. 

I wish there was something to fix the situation for you, but short of moving, which would be unfair and not necessarily possible for you. Maybe get a dart board and stick it on the adjoin wall, so when you get annoyed you have something to throw. (I feel all my advice revolves around throwing something.)