Did you think you were autistic before someone suggested it?

I had no idea, what autism was, from my mom's words it was supposed to be a mental sickness,  where the person affected does one movement or one noise all tge time and is a genius at math. I've never been genius at math. Making one thing all the time kinda fits me, but its not that obvious,  because it's not doing one sound all the time, it's more complex and it includes creative works or reading book etc.

I feel so deeply different from my peers, that I knew that im different.  For me different,  non standard, means inferior.  Especially,  because I was always slower to pick up on things or could not at all, also clumsiness, awkwardness etc. Made me grow up with self hate, feeling of inferiority and I was long convinced,  that I have a depression since birth. 

I also remember,  that teachers in my primary school suggested to my mom, I might be autistic.  I had selective mutism,  because of overwhelm at school, I usually didn't react when being called, and had a very bad emotional reaction,  when teachers forced me to play with my peers during a break. I still remember it as something traumatic,  I was scared of the noise and chaos they made. 

It didn't come to my mind, that it might be autism,  since I found it accidentally in the Internet.  But I always felt there is something wrong. I was diagnosed multiple times with depression (because of the low self esteem) and also medicated with no success. 

Homebird said:

I now find everyday life a lot harder, so when I can I make adjustments. I think I am exhausted now from years of masking.

I'm in the same boat. I've been burned out for a year, but still trying to keep things together and put one foot in front of the other. I've slowed the pace and lowered expectations and not held it against myself, which is some comfort. Learning more about what going on in my head has also been a big help.

Can also be age. Doing more as you get older is less easy. You generally hide it by being smarter, but if you just have to do more it is harder.

I can relate to this. I remember my Mum being surprised I didn't like being hugged.

I had a similar experience at work when I mentioned to a colleague I thought I was autistic.

I think I managed for years by masking and just thought I had difficulty interacting easily. It is only in later life, after reading up on it and my son being diagnosed that I realized I was likely autistic. I now find everyday life a lot harder, so when I can I make adjustments. I think I am exhausted now from years of masking. Recently I have been in a situation where I have had to do a lot more and find it much more difficult.

My cousin is autistic and he has the monotoneish voice and would have charts and such in cars so I was like no thats not me despite my train interest and my book of kick off revival online and offline play log book haha

my brother is tok but hes pretty much non verbal these days he talks but in mumbled words and short sentences snd hes always used small sentavea so that wanrt me I always talked and talked but my son is a lot like me so that’s what made it to ping 

I didn’t even know people had sujestrd it apparently would you use ear defenders is a way of saying I think you might be autistic lol

at first I said no I’ll just deal with busnjoise etc followed by a night of research and then I ordered some haha 

Stuart333 said:

So did you guess, before someone suggested a screening test?

Yes, it was I who suggested the screening.

I have always felt different and have enduring depression and anxiety which has never been successfully treated. 

I never considered that I could be autistic until I saw the programme featuring Christine McGuinness. I did wonder about it for a bit, but I thought my traits didn’t fit. It was only when going for CBT at my doctor’s surgery that the therapist eventually mentioned that she thought it would be worth doing a self test. Following that, my doctor referred me for assessment. 

Growing up in the 70s and 80s I thought it was rare, for people that really struggled. In the 90s I thought it maybe included exceptional bit awkward people too. Didn't seem to be me.

Also I was brought up to just get on with things and not complain, or cry. And I was isolated with minimal contact with relatives. So being on my own most of the time didn't seem odd.

Also even recently people at work said I wasn't. I guess my masking works except for those in the know.

I've never been able to take being hugged by my parents, as a kid or adult. The thought of being hugged made me dissociate in Jan, part of a number issues that led to me being here. 

I am 37 and only diagnosed this year 

There is a special type of comfort and contentment that can be associated with realising things for ourselves....eventually......especially when we can also then readily identify that we have been such utter door handles.....for not realising sooner!?  Now that's some REAL yin and yang - right there......aka = for me = comfort?!!

I was always different, didn't 'fit in' - much to the dismay of my late mother. But in spite of my many struggles, it actually didn't occur to me until a couple of years ago. Many family members are autistic, so you'd think so right? But no. Because I hadn't considered it. Once I did, Ah! 

Then the light came on! 

I worked it out for myself  - eventually.

I think I land in a middleish category. Autism was certainly a thing when I was a child but for boys, usually with limited language etc. The research and awareness was increasing but not so much for girls that didn't fit the norm. I went down as difficult.

Sorry Number, I'm a bit confused about what you're refering too?

Since I was a child, I knew that I was somehow different from my peers but neither myself or my family could figure out what it was. In fact I never knew a thing about Autism until I reached my early teens when I came across a documentary about. It intrigued me as I never taught about it in school or about what it meant but even then it never occurred to me that I was Autistic. It was only a couple of years later after that when I was in my late teens that I was officially diagnosed... and the irony is that I wasn't initially being tested for Autism it started off with me being tested for having something else. It came as a bit of a shock to my parents as it clearly never occurred to them that I was Autistic

Yep.....precisely......[albeit that I see "sure" where you have written "use"].....see as below...TheCatWoman....in response to EP.

I did a very technical and precise drawing of the staircase in my house......when I was 8 years old.  At that time, "autism" wasn't even a "thing"......because I'm super frigging old(ish)!  Fast forward 40 years (or so)......and still.....I was behaving in a manner that was (consistently) considered "weird"  to all around me.....and I had come to understand and accept that I DEFO didn't see the world, as others do!  It took me a few DEEPLY upsetting and discombobulating years of "searching" .... .to finally realise (and then accept) who, and what, I am.

Hey - the journey.....is perhaps.....just as important.....as the destination that we find ourselves at?

I'm not use how old you are Autismman, but could it be because autism wasn't recognised for so long, that it just never occured to an older age group that we could be autistic?

I really didn’t see it in myself in any serious way, I figured that for reasons unknown it was just how I functioned. Sure I felt different and couldn’t fit into groups but I always made excuses like I’m tired or just not feeling it today or I’m an introvert and nothing more. I wouldn’t even suspect autism when I felt uncomfortable and possibly even angry that someone was trying to interfere or change the plans I’d made for myself. I had a lot of signs but never linked them to anything other than a habitual way of being. I still have imposter syndrome that comes in waves, I am not what I believed autism to be. Perhaps I really am still under educated about it. 

I worked it out myself, it was the only thing that explained the way I am