Did you think you were autistic before someone suggested it?

No, there has been no change to my stimming. My wife is less prone to taking small clicky objects off me now, though.

McFrost said:

It all seems so blindingly obvious now that I can't understand why it took me so long

I think it was the lack of availability of first-hand accounts by Autistic people (or at least my lack of awareness that such accounts existed) that was the reason for my late "coming out". I was like Martin with the whole Rain Man or kid-in-a-corner understanding of Autism. I simply didn't relate until I found the voices of people to whom I could relate and then it all just clicked.

I had occasionally wondered, when I read things about autism, but I think that subconsciously it seemed a bit like a convenient excuse to explain my problems. I felt so different that something like autism couldn't be the answer. It was too simple.

Then my brother, quite a few years ago, told me that he thought he was autistic and wondered if I was too. I gave it a little bit of thought, did some tests, which said I was and then decided, again, nah, that probably isn't it. No idea why!

A few more years went by, I read Pierre Novellie's book, did a load more online tests which confirmed it again and the penny finally dropped. It all seems so blindingly obvious now that I can't understand why it took me so long. It has enabled me to see it in my son also.

That's like looking in a mirror, Martin!

Has there been any change in your stimming behaviours since your epiphany? I'm much more stimmy than I used to be.

I had no clue at all before my daughter's CBT therapist suggested that she might be autistic and that I, from my daughter's description of me, might also be autistic.

I thought that I was a bit different from the norm, but that probably most people had similar thoughts about themselves. I considered that I was very introverted, shy and rather sensitive. My bouts of selective mutism at infant school and my off-scale revulsion at touching nylon and other synthetic fabrics might have been a bit of a giveaway. In my mid twenties I did realise that my complete inability to initiate any romantic relationship was down to something being awry in me, rather than all the young women I had been in contact with. I recognised that I had no ability to work out if I was attractive or otherwise to anyone. I was missing some sort of signalling that was apparent to everyone else. I did some research into non-verbal communication and became able to decode the signalling to some extent.

The problem was that as a member of the general public, with no apparent contact with autism and autistic people, I had a vague and incorrect idea of what autism was. My concept of autism was based on Dustin Hoffman's portrayal in the film 'Rain Man', the musically or visually artistic savant and the idea of the child sitting in a corner not interacting with anyone. None of these stereotypes fitted me, so why should I consider that I might be autistic? I had also never done any of the more obvious stims, never rocked or flapped my hands. As a child I did spin around more than average, and I have always fiddled with small objects - clicking pens and so forth - but did not recognise them to be stims before I was tipped off that I might be autistic. Another reason I had no clue about my autistic status.

Of course, no problem.

I find ADHD easier to accept because I can see how it affects my focus and energy, in a good way, but autism feels much harder.

It touches everything, how I relate to people, how I understand social situations, how I’ve had to mask myself my whole life.

Growing up, I often felt different and misunderstood, and even as an adult I notice the impact in my relationships and work.

Accepting autism makes me confront all those lifelong experiences, which is validating but also overwhelming.

Are you able to say why you are finding the autism diagnosis harder to accept than ADHD?

I'm just curious.

No, I didn't think I was autistic and nobody suggested it. When I was in my mid fifties I watched a documentary featuring an autistic woman and I saw similarities to myself. I didn't really know what autism was, so I researched it, did the AQ 50 test and scored 42 - what a shock that was. I discussed it with a doctor who specialised in mental health and had some experience of ASD screening - he agreed with my suggestion, but advised that getting a formal diagnosis would not change anything and I wouldn't get any support because I was able to work. I still don't have a formal diagnosis, but I understand myself and my differences now and relate to others here.

Not a clue!!

I just thought I was extremely shy and introverted.

Therapy pointed me to possible ADHD, then the ADHD psychiatrist said I would benefit from an autism assessment. So I have both.

The ADHD didn't really register that much with me but the autism diagnosis is proving much more difficult to accept. It makes me sad for my small self, but I'm in the process of repairing that relationship through therapy and hopefully being a bit kinder to myself and accepting my differences.

For me it was like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle suddenly fitting together. Nice feeling to have suddenly knowing.

So, true. After decades of feeling like an alien in a human suit, Autism suddenly makes so much sense.

Honestly I thought I was just weird. I grew up feeling different, weird and isolated. I didn't know autism existed I just thought I was different. I thought like maybe I might've been an alien a number of times, abandoned or forgotten by my parents who went off into space and left me here to try and fit in and be like everyone else. 

My teacher at school when I was in year 9 saw the autistic signs and traits in me which I had noticed but thought it was just my weirdness and my parents didn't really notice it. I hated school, it was one big sensory overload that lasted from start to finish but I'm eternally grateful to my school and my teacher Mrs Lane for telling my parents and getting the diagnosis ball rolling.

I'm not long diagnosed but I'm grateful to her for telling me and opening my eyes. If she hadn't I wouldn't be here now and I wouldn't know why I was different to those around me. I spent so long feeling weird and like I don't belong. It's nice to know that I'm not weird and I do belong.

No it didn't occur to me until it was mentioned. I grew up and spent most of adult life not understanding why things would go so wrong for me. One example I am educated to doctoral level but could not seem to handle the 20 odd interviews I had for jobs over my career. Now the most important one will be coming in the ET tribunal. I do not know how I am going to cope.

I just thought I was overtly shy that covered my social inadequacies. Now I understand myself a bit better (not completely) after 2 years post diagnosis and can see I was wrongly being judged and judging myself. Guess that what happens to us 'Latelings'. 

Yup I caught on before anyone else did. Honestly, I’m pretty embarrassed about how I figured it out. I was researching information on the infamous Christine Chandler and recognized some traits she has that mirrored my own. Fixation on certain topics, history of being easily manipulated, creativity based on reframing someone else’s work (ex. in my case, remixing music), and etc. After learning about her experience, I researched more into Autism and figured out that I was in need of reaching out to a psychologist for an assessment.

I must admit I didn’t think I was. I always assumed autism was a severe mental or even physical disability or illness. But when the psychiatrist I saw when I was 16 had diagnosed me with GAD but then he suspected autism but I didn’t get along with him and thought he was just using me and my parents for money as we went private. It’s only as the years past I started showing more autism traits and I realised there were different levels of autism so I was lucky to get a diagnosis with psych uk on nhs but had to wait a little while. I have level 1 autism but apparently only just made the spectrum. I am ok with eye contact and I can have conversations with people if they are chatty with me, I also think I can tell when someone is bored or off in anyway as well, but I seem to be good at masking, I also won’t have certain foods due to textures or appearance etc and I am very easily triggered which can send me into meltdowns, especially if I’m making more. I find that I can look calm but I feel so irritated inside. That could be to do with other conditions I have though. 

I would love to listen to him! It's my interest, I think I would also find space to say something from me.

Alien0n3arth said:

one colleague at work obsessing over Japanese and Anime. He could talk only about this one the entire break. Others were tired of it, I didn't mind.

And "they" say that we have deficits in social and communication skills! You were the only person with the right skills to socialise and communicate comfortably and happily in that situation. Autistic social skills are as valid as any others.

I remember years ago having a conversation with a colleague in a pub after work. He started into a long and passionate discussion on conspiracy theories. It was not a specific interest of mine, but I think I got a buzz from his enthusiasm and passion. We chatted away all night and in the end he thanked me for "being easy to talk to". In hindsight, I guess we were two Autistic people just applying our authentic Autistic social skills and empathy.

I knew I was different from everyone else and was thinking differently. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADHD in 2016, but was not aware of Autism till 2022. I was put on the waiting list for a screening in January 2023. I was doing a lot of research till then, I was thinking that I could be Autistic, but I wasn't sure. I went to a screening in March 2024. When I was diagnosed, it felt like a huge weight was lifted, and now that I have answered my many questions, I had about myself. 

Good question! I think you're right, it's universal autistic experience. I thought my entire life, that there is no one like me in this whole world, although I met few times someone, who seemed a bit similar. For example one colleague at work obsessing over Japanese and Anime. He could talk only about this one the entire break. Others were tired of it, I didn't mind. Just listened, didn't have yo make any small talk, found some occasions to say something about my special interest at that time- Russian. We even invented a word game- I enter tge room, he said something in Japanese. I didn't understand,  so I asked, he translated that to me and then I translated the same word to Russian. He himself shared with me, that he has Asperger syndrome (it was in 2016, but he got diagnosed before) and I remember myself thinking, what kind of syndrome is that, he is perfectly normal! And them I shared with him my tourette (later turned out was wrong diagnosis) and we laughed that we are a company of two with syndromes. I remember thinking how would that be dating him, but was too shy to ask.

Alien0n3arth said:

I feel so deeply different from my peers, that I knew that im different.

That seems to be the universal experience of Autism. Each of us is Autistic in our own way ... except for that. Is there anyone here who doesn't feel that?