Any advice on how to keep and maintain conversation

I make conscious effort to concentrate on things that are likely to be in common and ask more questions, while sticking to the general, light topics. They got a dog or a cat? Great, I'll ask how is their dog or cat is called and how did they got it. A car? Fantastic, why did they chose this brand and how has it been for them. Went for a hike? Fabulous, there's more questions about the route.

Suggest be nice to oneself when doing it Autismman  - putting the effort in may be indicative of it being a "masking" behaviour?  Allowing oneself to do what comes naturally when anxious and or afraid may contribute to social faux pas by revealing what may be a brain that is making too rapid jump in that situation?  hehe like me adding more when you've already indicated you've had enough advice just then! :-  all the best with things and I look forward to finding out how you get on.

Thanks for the advice, I’ll let everyone know how it goes when I put in some conscious effort. 

not sure it’s a winning strategy so much as a series of convoluted near misses.

This sounds like some advantaged socialising algebra. Teach me the ways of the master 

1. Heavy second on this one. I use the strategy of opening up dialogues to see which ones they like, let them talk until we hit a point where I know stuff, share in a way that’s relevant to them, and cut myself off after a certain amount of time. Oh, and lots of laughing at their bad jokes. People like feeling clever and humorous.

ask, listen, share, don't upset the apple cart, crucially try resist the temptation to mind read would be my suggestions Autismman  - of course there is also finding someone who has the same "special interest" as you...  :-)

When I put these ideas into practice I just hope I don’t speak for the sake of speaking and do stay within the context of the conversation. Building up the courage to test this out in real life is the first hurdle. Of course I speak to people out there in the real world but I am not often the starter of the interaction. It’s going to feel very strange when I do though, I tend to avoid others where possible if I have to go out and don’t wish to engage in chitchat. I know that this isn’t helpful, this avoidance of others due to not working well with them but I do have to take some responsibility for myself and my future, 

Autismman said:

It’s a bit like any subject or topic that I haven’t much interest in; I have no data to pull from the bank - empty.

This is a common situation and the most effective strategy is to ask a few probing questions about it, but expect to have a bit of an info dump on the subject. 

if you really don't want to know then changing subjects is the more accepted approach but expect this to cost you some credibility if it gets noticed

Sometimes it is useful to experience the info dump as it reminds me on how others feel when I accidentaly do it to them.

I can often do the same or I have little energy to perform and just nod or attempt a smile, this might be a little awkward if a reply is expected though. The flow of conversation means you are meant to back and fourth with each other while finding the social experience rewarding. It’s a bit like any subject or topic that I haven’t much interest in; I have no data to pull from the bank - empty. 

The problem i have is worrying what to say next, and if I’m worrying about what to say next then I’m not actually listening, and if I’m not listening then how can I know what to say next.

Yes, there's definitely a lot of that going on! 

Some people just like to feel better and more knowledgeable than others. As if you are always doing whatever wrong and of course they wouldn’t do it that way. Perhaps it speaks to a low self esteem on their part and these fantastical versions of events are their way of trying to make up for whatever they feel they lack. They sense a particular weakness in us and grab it with both hands “now I know you failed I feel much better” kinda deal.

Iain said:

One thing to be wary of here is that this can be seen as you trying to "compete" by pointing out how your similar experience was more / worse / happier or whatever which can be considered by them as you trying to outcompete them

You’ve been to Tenerife, they’ve been to Elevenerife 

Absolutely - I have grown to understand the need people have for venting without wanting any advice or help, but just an ear to get things off their chest. It's not something I tend to seek, being more of an internal worrier, but I am much better at just listening and letting someone know that I understand what they are saying.

In this particular instance though, I feel it does come out of narcissism in that they think they have an important take on anything. If there is something this person doesn't have much to say on, they will completely dismiss the topic out of hand as being of no interest and this worthless.

McFrost said:

There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back.

There are plenty of people who just want to vent and you being a willing ear for it means you get to hear it all.

There are some on here who post questions a lot and when I try to answer get some odd replies, but it turns out they are just venting and while it seems like a normal conversation initially, it really is all rhetorical.

For the most part I think they are seeking affirmation of their experience and support and if this is a recurring theme them once you identify it, you can react accordingly or just reduce the time you want to spend listening to them.

Stuart333 said:

If you care, remember their story and pont out how yours is similar

One thing to be wary of here is that this can be seen as you trying to "compete" by pointing out how your similar experience was more / worse / happier or whatever which can be considered by them as you trying to outcompete them,

I've heard this levelled against me in the past.

A safer way would be to say something like "I know how you feel" or similar and if they are interested they will ask about your experience, othewise it is best to let it be.

There have been my experiences anyway.

They don't seem aware in any way. They never seem to remember things that I do say to them and it's as if they can only handle a very small amount of conversation about me until they get bored and want to talk about their favourite subject again. There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back. I have heard some stories ten or more times. If you say they have already told you something, they don't care and will just carry on anyway. Luckily I see this person a lot less than I used to and have given up most of the pretence of not finding them utterly insufferable.

Stuart333 said:

If you don't care and just talk about yourself then that is more narcissistic.

Anyway, back to me now Stuart, as I was saying….

I think the difference is whether you care about the other person's story and can remember it.

If you don't care and just talk about yourself then that is more narcissistic.

If you care, remember their story and pont out how yours is similar, then it is more autistic

But NTs do also relate their similar experiences, I think difference is in the level of detail.