Any advice on how to keep and maintain conversation

This 2016 TED Talk 11:44 minutes video "Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation" advocates everyone should try to remember four key points for achieving a better conversation;

1) Honesty,

2) Brevity,

3) Clarity and

4) a healthy amount of listening:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1vskiVDwl4

I think one aspect the presenter mentions (7:50 mins - their sixth way - "don't equate your experience with theirs") is potentially particularly difficult for Autistic people to consider avoiding (because it comes naturally within our own Autistic conversation culture - if someone says something ...we can be prone to then sharing something similar within our lived experience to reciprocate - to show we really heard them - to show we cared about what they had just said to us).

This is something that annoys me very much about someone I know who I think is on the edge of narcissistic personality disorder. Anything I relate about myself will either be met "why don't/didn't you just....?" or a story from their life with a superficial similarity will be told back to me immediately and the conversation will then be about them, which is where all conversations with this person will end up. It bugged me so much that it taught me to start noticing when I did something similar and try to stop it happening.

If this is something that autistic people do as well, then I wonder if it's just our brains way of making sense of a story. Spotting patterns and relating it to something that has happened to us. If so, it is the same thing coming from a completely different place.

How peculiar, I wonder if they are aware or it’s just a natural response? I can certainly see how this type of conversation is not really leading anywhere and dives straight into their interests. I’ve found some people on the spectrum who lack emotional awareness are often like this, engulfed in their own little bubble as if interactions are being done on another level of reality and not the objective one. You’re sort of an interactive tablet screen that they speak at.

Yes, there's definitely a lot of that going on! 

Some people just like to feel better and more knowledgeable than others. As if you are always doing whatever wrong and of course they wouldn’t do it that way. Perhaps it speaks to a low self esteem on their part and these fantastical versions of events are their way of trying to make up for whatever they feel they lack. They sense a particular weakness in us and grab it with both hands “now I know you failed I feel much better” kinda deal.

Absolutely - I have grown to understand the need people have for venting without wanting any advice or help, but just an ear to get things off their chest. It's not something I tend to seek, being more of an internal worrier, but I am much better at just listening and letting someone know that I understand what they are saying.

In this particular instance though, I feel it does come out of narcissism in that they think they have an important take on anything. If there is something this person doesn't have much to say on, they will completely dismiss the topic out of hand as being of no interest and this worthless.

McFrost said:

There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back.

There are plenty of people who just want to vent and you being a willing ear for it means you get to hear it all.

There are some on here who post questions a lot and when I try to answer get some odd replies, but it turns out they are just venting and while it seems like a normal conversation initially, it really is all rhetorical.

For the most part I think they are seeking affirmation of their experience and support and if this is a recurring theme them once you identify it, you can react accordingly or just reduce the time you want to spend listening to them.

They don't seem aware in any way. They never seem to remember things that I do say to them and it's as if they can only handle a very small amount of conversation about me until they get bored and want to talk about their favourite subject again. There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back. I have heard some stories ten or more times. If you say they have already told you something, they don't care and will just carry on anyway. Luckily I see this person a lot less than I used to and have given up most of the pretence of not finding them utterly insufferable.

They don't seem aware in any way. They never seem to remember things that I do say to them and it's as if they can only handle a very small amount of conversation about me until they get bored and want to talk about their favourite subject again. There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back. I have heard some stories ten or more times. If you say they have already told you something, they don't care and will just carry on anyway. Luckily I see this person a lot less than I used to and have given up most of the pretence of not finding them utterly insufferable.

Yes, there's definitely a lot of that going on! 

Some people just like to feel better and more knowledgeable than others. As if you are always doing whatever wrong and of course they wouldn’t do it that way. Perhaps it speaks to a low self esteem on their part and these fantastical versions of events are their way of trying to make up for whatever they feel they lack. They sense a particular weakness in us and grab it with both hands “now I know you failed I feel much better” kinda deal.

Absolutely - I have grown to understand the need people have for venting without wanting any advice or help, but just an ear to get things off their chest. It's not something I tend to seek, being more of an internal worrier, but I am much better at just listening and letting someone know that I understand what they are saying.

In this particular instance though, I feel it does come out of narcissism in that they think they have an important take on anything. If there is something this person doesn't have much to say on, they will completely dismiss the topic out of hand as being of no interest and this worthless.

McFrost said:

There's definitely an element of just needing a human to direct their endless spiel at, with almost no interest in getting anything back.

There are plenty of people who just want to vent and you being a willing ear for it means you get to hear it all.

There are some on here who post questions a lot and when I try to answer get some odd replies, but it turns out they are just venting and while it seems like a normal conversation initially, it really is all rhetorical.

For the most part I think they are seeking affirmation of their experience and support and if this is a recurring theme them once you identify it, you can react accordingly or just reduce the time you want to spend listening to them.