I think that sexuality is no longer part of my life. After a lifetime of exposure to explicit media and masturbation, the feeling has faded drastically. I no longer feel any such libido in real life. I see this as a good thing, my mind is free to pursue other more important things, and I'm too out of touch and unattractive anyway, but no hard feelings there.
I do love history, especially that of that era, a time before tvs, everyone huddled around the radio by an open fire. Life was obviously incredibly hard but family ties seemed stronger.
When everyone around you is asking if you're going to move in together, split up or wait until you marry, thats a lot of pressure.
My gr gr aunt lost her husband in WW1 she had no children, but adopted my nan and her brother after thier mother died and adopted another baby "over the wall", neighbours who could keep another mouth to feed. I think this was quite common for earlier generations.
I wouldn't marry again, I don't see the point of it, I think, looking back on it that I only married the first time out fo curiosity and to see if it would change anything, it did for the worst.
Marriage is an institution and I'm neither sick or criminal enough to live in an institution!
There’s a lot of social expectations for sure but again these are often other people’s ideals. I don’t think marriage is what it once was culturally in the UK any longer, it would have once been needed if you wanted to have kids otherwise you’d risk being socially cut off and shunned. The modern world will now ask you “if” you are getting married and not “when”.
It's a thing now, people wanting a long term relationship but not wanting to live together, I think theres to much pressure to live together too quickly. When I got together with my ex after six months people were asking when we were going to move in together and when we said we weren't they asked if we were splitting up or if we were wating until we were married! Thats a hell of a lot pressure and expectation, we both liked our own space. I don't see it as wishing for absolutes or lacking the give and take, for me most relationship have had to much give and take, I give and they take, what yours is mine and whats mine stays mine. Yeah I'm cynical, or am I just experienced?
Seems like you could benefit from finding someone similar to yourself who likes to be occupied with the things they enjoy but is also open to the idea of a relationship on whatever terms that may be. I think not being with someone in a romantic way for some time can have a huge impact on your confidence and ability to see life through clearer lens’s. Even feeling disconnected from main stream society comes with the same side effects, lack of confidence, self doubt. You are still young, there’s still time to write a new chapter in your book of life.
I’m not sure you can judge your own attractiveness unless you know you are not attracted to yourself? If it were possible?. A friend of mine doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want to live with his partner and doesn’t want her around all the time but still wants a relationship, I think he’s personally missing the give and take of a relationship and wishes for absolutes which do not exist.
There's always someone who will find you attractive, but whether you would find them attractive is another matter entirely. I sort of know what you mean about ideas of friendship and romance being antithetical, I've had loads of relationships that have crashed and burned, often badly. I've still no real idea of what romance is and its one of those things that when you ask people can't tell you, apparently it's ore of a feeling...another one I don't have.
To add, I'm mid 30s and I just don't see myself as the type others would find all that worthwhile or pleasing. The idea of having friendship or romance is antithetical to my nature. That's ok as I prefer not to stand out anyway. Any acquaintance I manage to make soon evaporates.
It's great isn't it, like having an extension to your head! Menopause did away with my libido and I'm so glad it's gone, it caused me so much trouble, there when I didn't want it and not there when I did. I now realise just how much energy and attention libido takes up, I look at people differently now, my first thoughts aren't on whether I want to have sex with them or not. I look back on my years of having a libido as a kind of maddness, like I had this thing taking over my body and brain and controlling it.
I don't care if I'm attractive or not, I'm at the age where I'm invisible enough to rarely get shouted comments at in the street so I'm well happy, life spent being invisiable to most men is such a relief, on the whole I feel so much safer.
I think there's to much pressure to be sexual and to have sex when you have no interest, if you have no interest and nobody to do it with, then what do you need it for?
Even though you sound reconciled with your reduced libido; I still do think (as per the NHS guidance to everyone using their services in the UK) it might be worth you mentioning that change you have noticed - the next time you have an opportunity to see your GP - as libido can be associated with some of the: physical health, prescription medications and mental health considerations with which a GP will be familiar.
