Anyone else experience similar?

You are so right. 100% accurate 

Thanks for sharing that Roy, I can easily relate to that story. I have a big family event coming up this afternoon and I’ve already decided I will stick it out for 2/3 hours for the sake of making an appearance, say hello to people, speak when spoken to and go find a quiet place when that need to evacuate arrives. That moment I am away is like a drug, freedom and fresh air hits you and it’s bliss. When I have something coming up I’d really rather not do I tend to obsess about it and it really effects my moods, it may be something as simple as a dentist visit but because it’s me having to make time and go out of my way it feels like a waste of time even if I’ve made the appointment myself!

You have exactly described many social occasions, I just couldn’t workout why everyone else was having a good time, they seemed to know exactly the right thing to say, all my thoughts would be on when I could go home. It really was like standing outside and looking in through the window, anxiety and just puzzlement, trying to workout  how they interacted, I did feel like a robot that was trying to learn.

The weird thing was that I never felt sad for not being like them, I often used the time to carry on a project in my head or solve an issue with it.

Weddings were the worst, a whole day of being overwhelmed or overstimulated, the dreaded photographer spending hours trying to photograph everything and everyone, I would get asked to smile a bit more, I thought I was smiling, it just didn’t seem to come out.

The saviour was once the evening music started, I could escape without being noticed, I can remember just walking around a park as it had space and quiet, the days leading up to a big event was hell, I would stop talking, this then made my wife angry with me. There is  understanding now we know why I find these things so difficult, in the past my wife has attended many things on her own.

If someone had told me I struggled because I’m autistic, I wouldn’t have believed them. I never will be a pack animal.

It’s a hard one because saying no too often feels a little selfish and I wouldn’t want for my close relationships to wither and die but luckily I have an understanding family where autism is in the blood, quite literally. Still, I have to fight the thoughts constantly that others will not understand and there isn’t much I can do about it to be honest. The way autism works either clicks with them or it doesn’t. 

Standing in the corner doing the fake emotionless smile whenever someone looks your way, looking at the clock wishing time away or for others to get distracted so you can leave quietly and hopefully have enough time to still engage in your interests. Then half wondering if you should have put in the effort to say goodbye then eventually stop caring because you are out of there!

I get what you say about the football thing, it’s quite expected that every bloke watches football religiously and must have a favourite team. I really struggle to socialise also because my interests are more interesting alone so trying to share in something I would enjoy alone more is difficult even if perhaps the other person liked the same things.

I yawn a lot too when I’m bored/under stimulated and done with the surroundings. It just comes over me out of no where and then my eyes water and then the fatigue sets in. 

Starting to talk about a special interest is a good way of getting rid of people. I’ve sneaked out of weddings before and gone home.

I do manage better with strangers funnily enough. I think they have less expectations than a party full of familiar faces. I might say a few words to a stranger and then get out of there but the expectation with familiar people is that you have to stay until the end and actually join in the meaningless conversations….. and smile at the same time which gives me incredible jaw ache.

I also yawn every few minutes when I have overstayed and this must look so rude to others.

Love this. I will actually use it as well

Mee too Roy, the only football I watch is my eldest son. 
The standing in the corner made me giggle, that’s exactly what I would do and yes I still manage to be in someone’s way.

I think you have just learned to be kinder to yourself and that’s a good thing. I’ve pretended to enjoy social occasions like that for too long and it’s quite damaging for a lot of us. Then of course you have to learn no not pretend any more for your own sake which is a challenge in itself. 

I’ve had similar in the past, my neighbours started the, “would you like to come round for a bbq, drinks and nibbles?” I know I should be glad to have company, but I’m quite happy if they stay in their house and I stay in mine. Buying a house next to me doesn’t make us blood brothers. I end up standing in the corner of the kitchen and observing, I still manage to be in the way even standing in a corner. I normally glaze over when they start to talk about the weather or football, all men are supposed to be knowledgeable about football, I’ve never watched a whole game.

Thanks Roy, I will have to steal this. 

ArchaeC said:

maximum enjoyment to things I have an aversion to.

Indeed, social situations are a bit like watching paint dry for the most part.

Spot on!

I’ve always admired Rowan, especially for this reason. Sometimes less is more.

I empathise, but I don’t have any advise other than what has already been mentioned. 

That sort of thing, in public with family and strangers, is near the bottom of a scale that goes from things which give me maximum enjoyment to things I have an aversion to.

It’s not a problem when it’s just the family but when there’s a gathering and I am expected to mingle or converse it creates a mental wall. You can only sit on your phone for so long trying to entertain yourself, then you do it for too long and it becomes obvious you aren’t interested in the goings on around you. As I said I wish there was some switch I could flick on just for the families sake because people are meant to create bonds, relationships, acquaintances and just speak to one another. Even before I get to these things I’ve decided how long I am staying for, be it an hour or two hours.

I think you have a real strong point with the needing preparation. It’s doomed to fail without scripting what I may say or trying to predict the lines of conversation before hand, those lines will depend on the context of the social gathering. Getting into that role is where you have to make a personal effort and a conscious one. I’ve dabbled with it before, I often see myself in the minds eye in 3rd person acting out a scene or nodding in a way that will appear I am focused and interested in the conversation.