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Anyone else experience similar?

Autismman

I was due to go to like a stall or street party type thing today with the family and figured it would be some sort of like walkthrough event not needing to stop for long and plenty of ways out without being totally surrounded by others but that wasn’t the case. I got there and it’s a rather small cornered off event with two ways in and out and at least 40/50 people there. I will never understand for the life of me how that type of experience could be remotely enjoyable. Again, I feel like a killjoy but all these strangers chatting away having the time of their lives and I was thinking of ways out, managed to sneak away and get a coffee so I could sit alone for a bit. There are times when I wish I could at least pretend with these things for the sake of my family but I haven’t got that in me and I can’t help but think they wish I could blend in too. As I’ve gotten older I have retracted a lot more like a tortoise into his shell and mask less because it’s far too tiring all the time. When I say mask less I just outright don’t attend family events unless it’s a really important one and even then I won’t speak much more than needed. This is just how I like to live, I don’t think many NTs understand this.

Parents

  • I think you have just learned to be kinder to yourself and that’s a good thing. I’ve pretended to enjoy social occasions like that for too long and it’s quite damaging for a lot of us. Then of course you have to learn no not pretend any more for your own sake which is a challenge in itself. 

Reply

  • I think you have just learned to be kinder to yourself and that’s a good thing. I’ve pretended to enjoy social occasions like that for too long and it’s quite damaging for a lot of us. Then of course you have to learn no not pretend any more for your own sake which is a challenge in itself. 

Children
  • in reply to Take5

    It’s a hard one because saying no too often feels a little selfish and I wouldn’t want for my close relationships to wither and die but luckily I have an understanding family where autism is in the blood, quite literally. Still, I have to fight the thoughts constantly that others will not understand and there isn’t much I can do about it to be honest. The way autism works either clicks with them or it doesn’t. 

  • in reply to Take5

    I do manage better with strangers funnily enough. I think they have less expectations than a party full of familiar faces. I might say a few words to a stranger and then get out of there but the expectation with familiar people is that you have to stay until the end and actually join in the meaningless conversations….. and smile at the same time which gives me incredible jaw ache.

    I also yawn every few minutes when I have overstayed and this must look so rude to others.